am i the new shy invisibly girl? ahh!

I think I've been milking the new kid excuse for wayyy to long, but im gonna use it till the end of the school year.
There are loads of different kinds of people, which is inherent in EVERY high school but because of the many different races here only make it more obvious..

Im trying to determine what sort of a person im going to be, the introvert who hides out in the library at lunch or the extrovert girl like all new girls in all the movies i once believed in like "Mean Girls" and "Mean Girls 2" and "Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen".
Because being me, is clearly not an option, "me" only exists when I've got friends.

But all I've managed to do is not make an impression on anybody at all, Im that invisible girl on the corridor who you bump into, wonder if you've ever seen her before and then walk away, forgetting her already.. I dont know why i turned into someone else all together when i got here but ebing invisible hs got its ups...

HA..."The Ups Of Being Invisible" sound familiar doesnt it? (The perks of being a wallflower)
I dont know what the ups are yet..but this is a place id like to live in for a few more months, thats it
Ill keep you posted

Life Of A Facebook Stalker

ok i admit it, im a facbook stalker..atleast i am one now!
i usually skim through facebook like its the last thing i care about because it is!
but now that im a lonely loser, facebook has become my only means of communication to the real world and i have been taking full advantage of it...
looking at all my besties at the seniors' grad parties ive been going crazy!!
i mean i wasnt the sorta girl who was big on parties, i only went when i was forced too
anyway...im getting off topic
so i was staring at all the fun pictures and just drawing strange pleasure out of it, so now i know how a stalker feels :p when i realised, that i didnt have any friends from my new school...
so i looked them up and....it was horrible!!
i clicked send request by mistake and i freaked out (i had nooo idea we could cancel requests)
i was nearly in tears because the person i sent the request to was this guy who i thought was cute
(i think i had made it obvious at that point and i really didnt want to look like a stalker but then again...it was obvious)
Being a stalker is supposed to be fun, thats what i was thinking but all it did for me was absolutely break me down!! For 2 precious minutes i had enjoyed it (that was when i was looked up this girl in my class who had put up loads of kindergarten pictures of my classmates)
I did the only thing i could think of doing at that point, i called my friend
(it was like 2 am in the morning, so she was pretty grumpy, but she had just gone to sleep like an hour ago..im lucky she wasnt asleep)
It was from her that i found out that we can cancel friend requests...it was the best news of my life!!
Im soo glad but then, the request had been out there for at least half an hour, what of he had seen it?
Now i feel real paranoid, im going to be freaked out whenever he talks to me tomorrow and if he doesnt talk to me, im going to assume that he saw the request..
 My life is ruins...*sigh* the life of a 15 year old is soo easy to ruin

I still believe

I always thought that living in America would be the answer to all my problems...
For example,

•  My best friend stands in front of the mirror in gorgeous full length green gown, staring at my reflection (which was sitting behind her in worn out jeans) sighs and says to me, "I wish I had some place to wear this, I mean we're wasted here girl" and I reply. "If only we lived in America" we  exchange gloomy looks and then burst out laughing at the sight of our faces. 

• The bell rings and I watch as everyone rushes out, then look back at my books and decide that I just need to study a bit more..."Still here?", I jump as here my boyfriends voice coming in from the doorway."I've got to know all of this if I'm going to the best college in the world no?" but even as I say this, I shut my books and stand up. That boy was the only one who could drag me away from all those studies, "You're coming too aren't you?", my voice still quivered even though this was at least the thousandth time I had asked him the very same question (i didn't even rephrase it, it sorta became an inside joke with us) and he replied with that heart-melting smile of his...though i never know whether that was a yes or a no. (it went without saying that i was talking about America---just making it clear :D)

• My friends barely register the wolf-whistles from the old fishermen as we stripped down to take a dive in the sea, but I'm so self-conscious that i cant get over myself. I decide to just sit and watch, but my friends, they don't take no for an answer and drag me in..though i must say for my credit that i went down fighting. I fiercely think that if we were in America, this sort of thing would never ever happen before i respond to the splashing and go into total air-head mode (i changed easy from introvert nerd to that girl who hung out with the airheads).

So when i found out that i did indeed get to move here, I was super excited!  Excited to the point that it offended everyone around me, I zoned out completely spending my last few days daydreaming about how amazing it would be.....but i was lucky

On my last day I woke and remembered Josh...is face totally brought me back to Earth...That boy, he was the only one for whom I'd drop every thought of America but ironically, now i was leaving him for America itself.

My last day, I managed to persuade everyone to stay off school and do all the things which we would do if it was any other day.. I had soo much fun and made them promise OVER and OVER again that they would come one day, that they would come and we would live in New York together...all of us

I really believed it

You're made of much more than you think you are

That maybe sums up the reason i get up everyday to get to school...if you dont get what im saying, i saying that school is hell, indirectly. But i dont want to be a drama queen and i dont want to rant about how lonely i am (anymore) and i also dont want to say that i am strong because obviously i not (i doing it again! okay nothing more about school)


But for everyone out there who thinks that they're life sucks...its good to know that life doesn't suck, its just that everyone goes through rough patches sometimes..they dont last forever..

Im really hoping this proves true for me too.

The ghosts of yesterday

Italo Calvino said: The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts.  

Image credit: “love Don’t live here anymore…” – © 2009 Robb North – made available under Attribution 2.0 Generic

The ghost that lives in this house is a one of the lonely ones...not one that haunts people and tries to drive them out of his/her house (as seen in the animated movie "Monster house" no i did not see it...i just saw bits with my brother). No this is a ghost, who has lived a happy and contented life. I am going to imagine that i know that i know the story of the life of this one: Her name was Ana-Maria, and she had been living in her little cottage ever since she married her childhood sweetheart, Thomas. She and Thomas lead a happy and simple life. That's how all peasants on the English countryside. Ana-Maria (that's what she was called, no nicknames, no abbreviations) was not an adventurous girl and she did not wish to have one, all she wanted to do was live her life and do her part, that is being a good wife and daughter which she was. She had a good life she did, whispering sweet nothings to Thomas early in the morning as he came back from milking the cows with their milk and smiling secretively to him over their tea. But then things changed, they grew up, the "things" that changed wasn't their love but their minds. As they grew older, Ana-Maria and Thomas were exactly what you expected from an old couple in the green wide countryside in England, as the rest of the world roared on these too simply decided to live teir life as it was. That's what what their house learned, anyone who came in contact with them learned that, they learned the secret to life : to take things as they come. Their little cottage stood for much longer than them, after they perished(buried in one grave by their doting neighbors) the house did not switch hands at all. The others all felt that this house was to be a standing monument of those who wanted to live their lives for themselves. Ana-Maria and Thomas in fact never left, they stayed not to guard the house but the village, to always glow in the minds of all who remembered them,to remind them of them of their best kept secret. For whenever someone walked past this house depressed and fed up they always felt new hope.Many a turned down love-torn youth and many a bent old an has sought shelter in this house and has always walked back with fresh hopes. This house does indeed bleed with hope.

i took that from my other blog on WordPress : http://diaryahemjournalofalonelygirl.wordpress.com/

Bad mom or stupid daughter?

)  : That isnt me...bt im still lonely :  (

I just have to keep myself this one question : Why am I so stupid?Why?WHYY?
One silly little thing always, ALWAYS gets me into a complete fiasco of craziness.
I left my PE bag consisting of my expensive sunscreen, puma shoes, 10-dollars-a-pair-socks(i know! its crazy!) and my ridiculous PE clothes(incidentally the least expensive in the entire bag) in one of my classes. so i couldnt go to PE the next day, my mom would never have allowed it if i told her the truth, so i told her that i didnt have PE the next day. Everyone else, I told them that I overslept. (Though i was super guilty that i woke up the right time and stayed in bed, wallowing in the guilt)
It went well, but I'm still guilty...atleast i found my PE bag again without anything stolen(i always assume that people are going to rob me... isnt that a new york characteristic?)
Looking back at that(it was yesterday) i feel like i haven't grown...not at all.
I always tell myself that i learn from my mistakes but i havent learnt a THING!
When i was a kid, i got this super awesome water bottle,it was purple and it was just perfect and i took it to school the next day and put on soo many "airs", it must hve looked funny on a 5th grader,
but on that very day, i lost my water bottle.When i got home i told my mom that i left it at my friends house(truthfully, i don't know where i left that poor thing) so she told me to get it the next day..
The next day, I went to school and i stole a water bottle from a girl in my class which looked exactly like mine nd gave it to my mom...she was happy i guess.
Is this a case of bad parenting or just the case of a stupid stupid girl?
(because my mom is super duper strict when it comes to me losing stuff)