Quote of The Day ~ Kurt Cobain

          Nirvana was before my time; I wish it wasn't. If music like that was on the mainstream in the 90s, it's no wonder my parents no longer listen to the radio today. I'm not a punk rock/grunge kinda girl myself, but their music is just so intoxicating, and so heartful. Under that lush sound is a song that's not all crap.        
         I've been wanting to do a Kurt Cobain quote for a long time now. Judging from his tumblr quotes, he seems like just the person who could spew profound philosophy just because; just the troubled misunderstood soul who comes up with untapped knowledge.

Did Kurt Cobain's death/suicide come as a surprise? I wouldn't have be too startled...
        I don't agree with Kurt Cobain, but I don't disagree with him either.

        If it's the difference between throwing a giant good-bye party for yourself and slipping away unnoticed, I would definitely pick the second option. It's so much better to fade away into the background without much ado; without a fight. Because it hurts both sides; it hurts to leave, and it hurts to be left. I believe it is wayy better to fade away and let the pain subside without making a it a big deal. The problem with slinking away unnoticed (besides making you look and feel like a coward) is that it puts a bad taste into all your memories. It doesn't provide closure (Philosophy Fact #2 Everyone seeks closure); saying goodbye -sometimes grandly- does. It would be nice to be remembered as the person with the fantastic party, and as the person from 'good times'. There are benefits to both fading away and burning out.

                Ugh there are soo many ways to look at this!

Burning out is like a tiny spark that lasts for a second; one minute it's there and the next, it's gone. The most important part of its existence-the thing it will always be remembered for- will be the way it ended with a show.
Burning out is like ripping a band-aid out quickly, feeling only momentary pain.
Burning out is like that one vibey tune you heard on the car radio on your daily commute one morning; it's short and sweet, and it makes your day.
Burning out is short. It's momentary. It's quick. And it's spectacular.
           Would a spark be any more beautiful if it lasted a long time? Would it be easier to gradually peel away the band-aid, fearing the pain more than feeling it? Would it be better if that fun, vibe-filled, tune lasted more than a couple minutes?

But fading away is like a book that goes on and on, losing momentum gradually. You don't want to continue reading, but you can't just stop.
Fading away is like playing a favorite game a million (and one) times and seeing all the possible scenarios- it get's boring towards the end, but at least you know that you've seen it all.
Fading away is like cancer. You know you're growing less distinct everyday, and you're ready for the end.
Fading away is knowing. It's familiar. It's steady. And it's comforting.
           Is it better to read a gripping short book than the one long one which slowly grows on you? Is it more fun to stop playing the best game you've ever played after you finish it once?
Is it better to die suddenly; in the middle of life...in the middle of a sentence.. than to be ready for it, and accept it before-hand?

            So here I am, back at square one. I've successfully argued both sides.
It's just that I don't like the idea of an end. I want everything to go on forever; I have goodbye issues. Don't we all? We just have to grit are teeth and do it- decide to end things. Change is good; always.
         So whether this change/end has been a long time coming, or just happened before you had a second to think, it's always going to be different. Not an upgrade, or a downgrade, just different.
        So what I'm trying to say is that there's no point wondering whether it's better to end things gradually, by fading away, or end them suddenly, like an unexpected burn out. The end is always going to be a change that we shouldn't worry about until we get to it.

De-stressing is going on a journey (no pun intented)

        I've been stressed about college lately (I'm just 2 (or so) days into my senior year of high school, and the cold, swirling waters are threatening to give me hypothermia).
 They're making me come up with a whole list of colleges I'd want to apply to; they're also expecting me to have the picture of an ideal college in my mind; they want me to know exactly what I want to do 3 months from now
           (and by they, I mean society. Which means that I'm basically stressing out and doing things because I'm making myself stress out and do things. Because "society" doesn't make anyone do anything. To not care about what society is saying is perfectly fine-no one's stopping you-or me- from being different. It's just that we're too scared to be, or maybe even ignorant of being, different; and hence, force ourselves to care about society. That is why I will stop blaming my stress on society, and rightfully take the crown of that responsibility for myself).
                          Obviously, I can't cope too well with stress, it forces me into (more than usual) incoherence and pretentiousness.
            What makes it worse is that even if the college hunt (I hate calling it that. I'm not hunting colleges; they're hunting me. I'm repulsed by walking into my kitchen and seeing a formidable stack of college brochures on the counter. I hate it) makes me sick, I can't stop talking about it.

My Internet Browser History looks something like this:
Bing Search: Liberal Arts College
Bing Search: Journalism School
Bing Search: Liberal Arts College with Journalism
Bing Search: Difference between Journalism school and Liberal Arts College
...and on, and on, and on, and on...(and on)

So not only am I stressed and confused and overwhelmed, I am manically obsessed with being all those things. I feel like Victor Frankenstein, I really do. (That is good analogy, if I say so myself.)

         Besides compulsively looking for universities I might fit into, I've been..well... noticeably weird(er). I spent a third of my day cuddled up in my blankets inside a pillow fort, pretending I'm a homeless person who's being hunted by the "normal" people -not alone mind you, I'm not that crazy (I think), but with my brother-it was a childhood game.

           Coming to think of it, it was a pretty weird game. Why would 7-year-old me decide that the real enemies-the one's who can only be warded off by a pillow fort (which is a big deal for a 7-year-old)- are the normal people: the ones who walk on the street with their tailored to perfection suits, the ones with their disapproving glares, the ones who are indescribably mundane: natural, orderly...other thesaurus words. Why is it that 7-year-old-me fought what is natural, and normal, so instinctively (naturally?) ?

             While other little girls had tea parties and played with their little dollies, I hid from the normal world with all its traditions and rules (To be fair though, the world behind my pillow fort was perfect- I don't really remember what I did, but I do remember the bliss of staying there. A bliss that was no longer present when a fully (well kinda) grown me tried to recreate the circumstances). Nevertheless, that is messed up.

             Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a lonely child; I had friends, but I kinda pulled them into my little game too. At one point, my pillow fort had troop of 7 soldiers (consisting of cousins, best friends, and that one weird kid who lived around the corner). But really, why is being different so important to me? Why?

         Haha I've questioned everything about everything for as long as I can remember: culture and norms, public "decency", stereotypes, generalizations etc.
I've always been interested in patterns. Now I'm trying to find a pattern in my questioning. I'm questioning my ability to question... And it's time to stop before I fall into an existential crisis (trust me, those are dangerous)
          Questioning everything is profitable as long as you don't cross that invisible line you can feel- it's more of an invisible energy field actually- as you approach it.

Stress can really do things to you, and stress-release can do quite some other things. This post really took me on a journey. It did (repeating things is always so reassuring haha).

That it shall. (1 Corinthians 1:8)

Leibster Award Post :)

Turns out there are people out there who actually like me.

       I've been nominated for the Leibster Award- another one of those cute blogger awards which make for promoting blogs and cute content- and I absolutely love it!

Image Courtesy This is Nymisha^TM

First off...I simply HAVE to thank my nominators- Sunny Williams from (the brilliant) Slightly Awkward Geek and my long-time blog buddy Nymisha Dhavani from This is Nymisha (or the Weirdo Chronicles or the Cold Corridor)

You should definitely go check out Sunny's blog, she's got some interesting things going on...a bucket list, and a Book of the Month thing- just to name a few :)

Nymisha has a pretty amazing blog, and it is a must-visit :) One, it looks great (and is kinda sorta...totally the inspiration for my new blog look haha). Second (and more important), she has some great content! Misha does book reviews, everyday life posts, movie reviews....you name it! Check her out here.

Eleven Random Facts About Me

[Part of the goal of the Leibster Award is to make interesting content. So I think the idea was to get Bloggers to share some tantalizing tit-bits about their lives to make for more interesting reads...As you can see, I'm a pretty boring person, but i'll try :)]

• I'm always going on about how left-brained, technology-minded people are boring. Turns out I'm a bit boring and technology minded myself. (Source: Random internet quiz)
  
  I have failed my creative self.
  
  
  
• I can never walk past a McDonald's without a feeling of revulsion.....and desire (This applies for Cinnabon too).
• I didn't watch Frozen...and I never will (this applies for the Divergent series: books and movies, too).
• According to Goodreads, I pledged to read 40 books this year (I'm only on book 17 so far). I remember when we got prizes for reading in kindergarten...Why doesn't that rule apply to high school kids too? Why?
• I'm both a morning person and a night person (nights are good for reading, and mornings are good for jogging). But, strangely that doesn't make me a non-sleep person; I get an abnormally large amount of sleep.
• Sometimes I get hit by Cupid's arrow and I just beam out vibes of love to the world. Sometimes.
• I'm a sucker for happy endings. I feel cheated if a rom-com ends without the words "and they loved happily ever after.."
• I listen to Ambiance-y house/ neo-soul music when I'm particularly annoyed with my world and everyone in it, so that I can pretend I'm in an art gallery instead.
• I always throw away (more of a subtle toss) any pennies I get for change so that people can find them and have good luck :)
• I have a dream journal next to my bed. Opening it is like entering an alternative universe. Even for me.
  I've had that book since I was 10.
• Last one...I'm in love with Ellen Degeneres (is that her name...Degeneres? sounds like the generous)

Sunny's and Nymisha's questions:

So both Sunny and Nymisha asked 11 questions each...Please bear with me while I try to be interesting again haha

1. Where is you happy place?
   My happy place is...more of a happy person actually. When I need a confidence/ self-esteem boost, I always go to my happy person- who is the best person I can be. This best-me-I-can-be (or Anya 2.0, in case you're interested) is what helps me get through hard times (and my neo-soul/ soft jazz of course), because if I imagine myself as that cool, confident girl, I become her.
2. If you were given a superpower what would it be?
   I love these questions haha...Umm my top choice of super-human powers would be mind-reading. If I could just read strangers' minds, I would sit on the streets of any big city and just listen. I'd listen to people's problems, their worries, and their joys. It would be amazing.
   Yes, I know. I'm a very creepy person.
3. Do you consider yourself a part of any fandom?
   A year ago, it would have been Harry Potter (Ravenclaws for the Quidditch Cup!)
4. What is your Big Dream?
   I feel the urge to put "big dream" in capital letters because this is it; it's our purpose in life. I haven't figured out my purpose in life yet, but I know I want to make an impact. I want to help rid the world of all the bad things (global warming: though that seems pretty inevitable at this point; sexism: #notAllMen was trending the other day...ugh etc. etc.), and I want to be happy doing what I'm doing.
5. Do you believe in soul mates?
   Yes. I totally believe in that one person you're meant to be with. That one person who will just click.
6. Favorite Quote?
   "Life's not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself," ~ George Bernard Shaw
7. Most embarrassing moment?
   Normally, I wouldn't tell. But maybe saying it will make it less humiliating?
   My most embarrassing moment was humiliating enough for my brain to only function in sentence fragments when I think of it. So here you go: Eating a banana. Cute little monkey. Momma monkey. No banana anymore. Pack of monkeys. Panting. Screaming. Blood on my calf.
8. What's your favorite book?
   I don't pick favorites. I just don't. Books I feel strongly about include nearly every book I've ever read. I don't even have a favorite color or anything..
   But, as a kid, I loved The Journey to The River Sea by Eva Ibbotson.
9. What is your worst pet peeve?
   I always just use one side of my eraser. Face my wrath if you borrow my eraser and use the wrong side. (I also hate interchanging 'its' and 'it's')
10. Do you have one thing that you used to hate but now love, or vice versa?
    I used to hate sad-endings in books and indie movies, but now I kinda get it. I almost like sad endings in books and indie movies (rom-coms are still not off the hook if they end badly), because they reflect real life.
11. Tell me one thing from your bucket list.
    Go to the TomorrowLand festival (only the hugest dance party with the best house music in the whole wide world).
12. What\who is the best thing that has ever happened to you?
    The best thing that ever happened to me is when I first woke up in a daze after a crazy dream, and decided to write it down. I've been writing ever since.
13. If you saw two people physically fighting on the road what would you do?
    Awkwardly walk away unless one of them is getting creamed. Then I'd stay and watch. Just kidding, but I wouldn't try to stop a violent fight...I'm too "practical" for that.
14. Do you believe in the afterlife?
    Yes. I believe that dying isn't the end. There's got to be more than just this limited experience (no offense Earth, we love you).
    "To the organized mind, dying is the next great adventure," ~ Albus Dumbledore
15. If you could be a fictional character who would you be?
    That is hard. I've always seen fictional characters are representations of different types of people. I couldn't imagine myself in a book except as myself.
    Except maybe I'd want to be Holden Caulfield from the Catcher in the Rye (he was the original hipster).
16. Let's say there's an opportunity for a dying person to live...but only if you sacrificed yourself. Would you?
    As much as I don't want to seem like a selfish, egotist, no.
17. Your house is on fire! What is the first thing that you'd grab as you run out?
    My laptop. My dear little laptop (and I hope my phone is on my person).
    And I think that I'm not technology-minded...
18. Do you like teaching things or learning things?
    Both! I think teaching is a way of better learning a subject :)
19. What's the one thing you've been dying to get your hands on?
    I've been dying to get my eyes on a whole bunch of movies and books...The list is just way too long..
20. You have exactly one day to live before you die. What would you do on that day?
    I would enjoy the little things. I'd go through everyday life, but I'd pay attention to all the little quirks and turns of the world; I'd look for the imperfection that makes life so human and comfortable.
    I should do that everyday, but I'd do it especially on my last day (if I knew).
21. Stars or Flowers?
    Stars. It's the shorter word, and they popped into my head first.

Bloggers who, I think, deserve this award.

This is the best part of the award :) I get to pick people to pass this little trophy around!

M.A. Barr from Twisted Dreams in Pen & Ink is a great writer. His concise form of story-writing is brilliant (100 word stories everyday...what more could anyone ask for?). I know he's been nominated a bunch of times, but I can't help it haha.

Sakshi Raina from Capturing Sunshine is really cool :) I love her writing. She's the kind of blogger who's going places..

I'd also like to nominate Young, bold, and Fearless....her blog is pretty amazing too :)

http://youngboldandfearless.blogspot.com/

My questions to you guys-my nominees...if you decide to do it

And when you thought I was finally done.....I've still got stuff to do.

1. Creative Writing or Journalistic Writing? Pick the one you'd rather do.
2. Do you follow the Royal Family (of Britain)?
3. In your opinion, is Twitter better than Tumblr? (or do they just have different age demographics?)
4. What do you like to do (other than write)?
5. If you were to write a book, where would it be set?
6. What time period would you (hypothetical) book be set in?
7. What influences your writing?
8. Does YA (Young adult) fiction appeal to you?
9. Are you an outdoors person or an indoors person?
10. Was writing the random facts hard for you?
11. Do you have a Big Plan...for life I mean..

The Rules

• Post the award on her/his blog.
• Thank the nominator and link back to his or her blog.
• Write 11 random facts about yourself.
• Answer 11 questions about yourself that the nominator has asked.
• Nominate 11 how many ever fellow bloggers.
• Make up 11 original questions for your nominees to answer.
• Let you nominees know they have been nominated.

Thanks so much for reading. If you've got to the end, and realize that you've skipped ahead for most of the post..I understand (more like..I forgive you this once). It was a long post. Thanks for reading :)

Almost 5 High School Myths

              It's almost the last minute of the last hour of the last day of the last year of emotional belittling and oppression of individuality. That's right..I'm almost done with high school!!!

Three. More. Days.

        Despite my constant negative descriptions, and bad stereotypes, high school isn't that much of a hell hole. Actually what made it so bad was the perception and the paranoia that it's going to be bad. Before I'd even walked in, I had a detailed knowledge of high school cliques and I'd heard about "peer pressure" and all those parent-buzz-words. Movies, and parents; they make being a teenager look soo hard (Trust me, Mean Girls is a gross exaggeration). 

So I've decided to myth-bust some umm...myths I guess.

Main occupation: judging.

Myth or Fact? MYTH.

I think the problem in high school is more of an inferiority complex. You don't get judged unless you judge others. One really curious thing about high school is that no one really wants to start a fight; unless you make a public spectacle of yourself, no one really "picks" on you, or even judges you. Most people who are judged in high school are the ones who judge others themselves, or the ones who think they're being judged. There are a couple people who just imagine that everyone's watching them, and all those whispers about them. But really, no. Unless you are queen bee, no one turns a head for anyone outside their friend circle (a.k.a clique).

Cliques Exist.

Myth or Fact? FACT.

Yes. The age-old story of Popular Girls, Jocks, Nerds, Transfer students etc. etc. is true. Maybe it isn't as obvious as whole cafeteria being divided up (okay maybe it is), but it's a fact of life. Cliques show that friends are made based on mutual tastes and interests. Some look-oriented cliques (like the popular doll-like girls) may look alike, but most cliques are just groups of friends who are interested in the same things. Ever since the great Tumblr Hipster Revolution, each clique has been owning their umm...things ('things' is such a descriptive word). The nerds now have meetings at the library with pride, while the drama geeks conspicuously hang out outside the theater. And you know what? They all seem to be having fun! Let the cliques be.

Everyone in each clique is different; they're only joined by a shared interest. Each individual brings something unique to their group. You don't have to fit in anywhere, you just have to find a place where people most appreciate you...

The Popular Girl has little minions following her.

Myth or Fact? MYTH.

I do believe in the queen bee who's at the head of the high-school food chain (I shouldn't call it that, I really shouldn't). That one girl who's got Hollywood-looks, the perfect outfits, the loudest (but not in the least embarrassing) laugh, and the large group of equally-happy-go-lucky friends. What I don't believe in is the pair of dumb wannabes always following her around. Yes, everyone around her do seem to be incredibly obsequious but their wannabe-ness isn't as obvious as it is in the movies. Actually, the two closest to the queen bee are kinda queen bees themselves; there isn't just one queen bee- there're two, sometimes three. Each girl a different kind of funny, social, beautiful, and kind (yes, kind. One other unmentioned feature of popular people is that they're always nice -sometimes fakely so- that's how they get popular.)

Crazy, drunken parties with drugs and sex!

Myth or Fact? FACT....but myth too.

I don't know about this one. High School parties are a fact, but they aren't as bad as they sound. Really (You can take my word, I hate people; hence, I hate parties). I'm not saying that high schoolers don't have sex, or don't smoke, or don't drink; I'm just saying that not all of them do all of those things. Parties have drugs, and they have stolen (from parents) beer, but that's not everything about them. It's much easier to talk to someone new at a party than on a hallway at school. They're a pretty cool extra feature which do have their crazy people. Overall, movies and everyone else make parties sound absolutely ridiculous. I don't know if it isn't done that way anymore but no one gets stoned and drunk at the same time anymore (source: random 80's rom-com). 

       What I'm trying to say is that high school wasn't as bad as I made it sound. Everytime I'd whine on here about how much I hated high school (yeah, I did that), I'd get encouraging comments about high school being hell, and how everything gets better after. I'm hoping that all those people were right. But I also think they were wrong about high school being hell. It's been...well, it been different; I got a chance to question myself about myself here. I'm going to miss being cynical and condescending; I'm going to miss rolling my eyes and questioning the education system. I'm going to miss being here.

The Generation Theory

"That is so pointless....it's like getting a history major!" (Ouch!)

"Why do we have to learn history? Such a stupid subject.."

"Learning history is outdated. We need to start learning more technologically advanced things"

         The above words are faithful (or nearly faithful) overhearings from some of my classmates (who are teenagers; hence, the italics. For some reason it feels like everyone around me is always talking in italics).

So why do we learn history? (Yes, I talk in italics too) What is the "point"?

       It seems like everyone's been attacking history since the beginning of time. It has always been dubbed the most "boring" and the least useful. 

        I can't argue with boring. If you think history is boring, then that's what you think. There are just some people who just. can't. like it. But I can argue with useless. History is NOT useless. 

         Actually, it is anything but useless. Broadly, history is the only area of study that takes into account human thoughts and behavior, and how these two things can cause societies to rise or fall. Because, in history, we/they ask why. It's all about making connections and trying to find the reason behind rises, public sentiment, reactions, falls, and seemingly stupid actions. 

         It's so incredibly important to know why everyone liked President Eisenhower right? Well...maybe not. But by studying history we see trends and patterns (PATTERNS!) which still work today. There are a whole bunch of people who make "educated guesses" about the future just through their knowledge of the patterns of the past. They basically predict the future just because they know history!

         Now don't get me wrong, no historian could ever have told what time the Al-Qaeda was going to strike the Twin Towers, but they did predict a major crisis induced by the Middle East. Within months of the attack, they knew exactly what President Bush was going to do, and how it was going to end. And they were right! They knew the pattern. They knew how this (this system, this society, this world) works. How could anyone not want to know how the world works?

                Strauss and Howe have an interesting theory. They believe that there are different ages in history which keep going in an infinite circle. First we're in a high, then there is an awakening, then there is an unravelling, and then, there's the crisis. From the crisis, evolves a new happy society: a new high; it's a never-ending cycle! 

      When you think about it, that's pretty much how everyone's life works too. When you're happy(high), you're happy for a while, but then you start questioning things and looking for higher reasoning ("What is the meaning of life?"); that's when you undergo an awakening. You see what made you happy before incredulously, and look to a more noble form of happiness. However, you don't find what you're looking for, and keep asking questions, making surprising discoveries about yourself (unraveling). The more questions you ask yourself, the more confused you become. Until, one day, you're broken. You don't even know who you are anymore(crisis). But you'll survive; any obstacle can be overcome once you put your heart to it. Taking baby steps, and avoiding past mistakes, you recover; Et voilà ! you're happy again!

        Strauss and Howe are certain, and they even have proof. 

THE CRISIS               ->  the Great Depression and World War II (1930s to 1949)

THE HIGH                 ->   the 1950s - American suburban life begins. The whole society joins hands and     becomes a community. Together, with 'Duck and Cover,' they are ready to fight  the USSR. Everybody loves the government! (Eisenhower = president = war hero)

THE AWAKENING ->   the 1960s - Americans break the conformity. Why should we all be like one          another anyway? What's with the government and war? Discontent, and mild rebellions.

THE UNRAVELING ->  the 1980s - 2000s Widespread mistrust of the government. Mild economic crises. A change in way of life as technology comes into play. Interest in literature and history decreases while interest in technological improvement increases.

THE CRISIS             ->  As of yet, unknown. Looming environmental disasters; looming economic bubble   burst. Looming everything seems scary right now haha. 

A period of technological advancement is always followed by a period of questioning and epiphanies, and, therefore, a period of literary advancement (literature thrives on questioning and thinking).

Example, the Enlightenment period (1700-1800) was followed by the the Romantic Period (180-1850ish)
            Considering that we are currently in the age of technology, I think we should be headed gradually towards an age of literature and thought (yay!) The hipsters are already popping up :)

               I kinda strayed off topic, but history is the best way to understand humans and their behavior. It gives you an idea of what a person would do if they lived for centuries. The cycles of history are the cycles of life. History is a study of life in its most relevant form. 

Quote of the Day ~ J.D.Salinger

            Yes, I've just The Catcher in The Rye; it would be a sin to not want to talk about that book after having read it- a mortal sin.
          The question to be asked now is Why is the world still the crappy place it is even after half of the world has read this book? after this book has become a must-read classic? (This is the state of our world; we regard technology over literature, and because of this we increase our standards of existing considerably-while degrading our standards of actually living and being human beings. Harsh, I know. But it's true).
           I'm currently wondering why it took me so long to finally get a hold of and read it. Maybe it was the rumors? Maybe it was the fact that nearly every student in the American education system is forced to read it? Maybe it was both.

             I've always thought of The Catcher in the Rye as a harsh novel, with the crudest possible description of teenage rebellion. I've always thought that The Catcher in the Rye would end up locked up in a mental facility for the rest of his life. 

            But, turns out, I've always thought wrong; The Catcher in the Rye isn't merely about teenage rebellion (actually in some senses it isn't about teenage rebellion at all), and its protagonist (the umm... cynical? Holden) isn't even that delusional, he isn't even crazy. He's nothing like he's described in the movies (Yes, he's misunderstood and afraid, but he isn't insane).

          Without further ado, here's the quote which best describes Holden Caulfield (and maybe even J.D.Salinger) to me:

             When I first read this quote, I realized that Holden was hitting a point most people wouldn't want to talk about. It's a really common concept actually, lying to make others feel better, or for their own good, or even because it's just the thing to do. We do this everyday...when somebody says "How's it going?" we don't give them an in-depth analysis of our day so far, and why it sucks or why it's amazing, we just say, "oh I'm good. How're you?" (or some ambiguous variation of that) even if we're faar from doing good. Because it's just something you say, just like "Glad to've met you."

           It's okay to lie that way right? It's okay to say yes when an earnest looking kindergarten-er asks you whether Santa is real. It's okay to lie about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, whether you actually like your boss, whether someone looks fat, and how your day is going; it's accepted. 

                A lot of people say that Holden is delusional, that he sees a different world from us. But actually he sees the world as it is. He see's the world with all it's fakeness (or "phoniness" as he calls it) and pretense. He sees that the people of the world are all living behind a curtain of lies and pretense, and that frightens him because he can't actually see anyone. We all pretend to be better people to others around us, whether it's in just sitting up straighter when someone you want to impress enters the room, or desperately acting "mainstream" to be liked by everyone else. The people we meet everyday? they're wayy different inside their comfort zones (where they don't need to impress anyone)...we don't even know what they're really like, and that's scary. Because if it's acceptable to lie to present yourself as a better person, then it's acceptable to put up curtains of pretense, it's okay to be seen but not really seen.

           Who decides what is acceptable anyway? Who even decides what is mainstream ?Who decides what is the appropriate thing to say or the appropriate person to be? Who even has that authority? (Okay I'm done with the rhetorical questions now haha) But seriously, why do we have to follow the norm when we don't even know who set the norm? I mean if everyone believed that 2+2=5, does that make it true? (Hint...NO) I think each person should decide what is acceptable for them, what they think 2+2 equals. They should be able to decide what they want for themselves.
               The Groupthink thing is getting wayyy too old. It's because of Group-think (or Groupthink) that there's even such a thing as fashionable and common courtesy. If suddenly society turns around and says that wearing shoes is a gross thing to do, the person who wears them is considered unacceptable. Acceptable and unacceptable are ultimately relative; let's all just do the right thing, thing that we think is right instead of following what everyone else thinks. Let's not follow society down a cliff...

          So I think that even if the real you is absolutely unacceptable, it's better to present yourself as yourself than to present yourself as a mere shadow, a silhouette, from behind a curtain of flashing smiles, and nice lies. DOWN WITH GROUPTHINK! And down with the acceptable and unacceptable. Let's live to be true and real.

Life as a Monochromatic

                I'm assertive -okay, no that's a euphemism- I'm strident and outspoken, either way I'm opinionated and also very confused...Is it a good thing? to be assertive that is. 

          It may all sound very nice to be heard and taken into consideration, but what if you're heard and taken from consideration. What if your un-thought-out words cost you your credibility? (Okay, maybe when I'm talking about "you", I'm simply referring to myself. Maybe.)

         Strong feelings are helpful when you can channel them into a sensible demeanor and calm (but strong) words; they don't do very much good in a barely thought-out rant. Actually they don't do any good at all.

                 Is it wrong to have strong feeling, or is wrong to be unable to channel them? Definitely the latter; no one could live without strong feelings. I mean, we all have to feel strong about something, anything. Like cars, life can't be run on neutral ("dat car analogy tho"...sorry).      

            So it's wrong to have a sudden burst of strong emotions? From my current state of embarrassment and annoyance, I see that that's what I think (I still can't replay The History Class Feminist Rant Incident -that's what I'm going to call it, and no, I'm not going to explain it-  in my head without knocking something over or feeling my face burn while having a strong urge to explain myself). But clearly, I'm wrong. Because I (atleast the conscious me) don't believe in right and wrong,

                It isn't wrong to have emotional outbursts, it might just be healthy (Psychological Health Rule #1 "DONT bottle your emotions" everyone knows that), but it is kinda wrong to emotionally outburst onto others and expect them to accept it.  So it's not wrong, but it's kinda wrong....see what I mean? complicated. 

               I don't believe in absolutes at all actually. I'm sure that nothing is ever completely right or completely wrong; there is no black and white in nature, no bright hues, just greys and mellow colors.

People Like Us- Kelly Clarkson has an interesting video :)

         Absolutes are a problem. Everyone is looking for answers to their questions; they're looking for a yes or a no, or maybe a choice between two paths, or maybe even the right or wrong decision. But that's not what it's all about. We see the world in black and white; we see the world, our lives, and our choices as being either correct or incorrect whereas in reality, there's so much more to it. 

         Nothing is ever right or wrong, so we can all stop striving towards being completely correct (a 10/10 is an illusion present only in calculus which we all know doesn't exist in the real world...(just kidding, about the calculus that is :) ).