Quote of the Day ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

        Jogging against the wind has always made me feel better about life; the wind is like a conquered enemy as I run against its efforts- a merry one too, rushing past with all the bustle of my gramma's kitchen at Christmas. Unfortunately, the weather lately has just been so dead; the harsh sun rays fall on us but we don't mind because we're so hollow and empty that we think that the continuous light will fill us. Can weather get anymore depressing?
       This drought is so very underrated; it's killing us all from inside (Read about the West Coast-South West Drought here). I suppose this is only the beginning....as a professional pessimist, I believe there is going to be a year when the spring turns to summer, but the summer never gives way to fall. What if the wind doesn't comes back one day? (President Obama isn't helping with his new endorsement of a plan to dig the Atlantic Ocean out in search of oil...)

             But I only miss the wind because it was an enemy I could feel; an enemy I could lash out at. This is the only tangible way to get back at the attacker, because every other antagonist in my life is ever so subtle: poking me in the back and then retreating into the shadows; laughing and talking down at me while hiding in my head.
            This quote actually doesn't really connect to my state of mind at all, but it's something I want to talk about. So here goes :)

From: www.redbubble.com

            Everyone worth knowing is a bit crazy, but they are what society deems as crazy. What if people who are strange/enigmatic/weird/crazy are actually the ones in the right? It's all subjective isn't it? So what if the majority of people is messed up, and the minority, which isn't, they call "weird"?
          The people with "problems" are the ones who feel the most; the ones deemed "messed up" are the ones who care the most; the ones on medication are the ones who think the most. Some of the most profound things I've ever heard, I've heard from people my gramma would call the "wrong crowd," people who know themselves to be outcasts, people who are "unsuccessful". This isn't just my experience of people, Sylvia Plath, Vincent Van Gogh, Ned Vizzini, Emily Dickinson...who's going to deny it? People who had the most insight; people who were the least in denial are famously considered the troubled ones, so much so that they do become the troubled ones...
         So obviously society's idea of messed up/weird is wrong...What if every other preconceived idea is wrong? That just scares me, but coming to think of it; we, as a people, are in denial. We go through life, one ambition after the next without stopping to think what it all means. It's all so scary; don't we see that our lives are mechanical...we form an idea of what we would make us happy, then we pursue it, then we achieve it; but by then we realize that this thing of happiness is not really a thing of happiness, so we form a new idea. It's an infinitely repeating cycle- a circle. Let's break this cycle. Let's think for ourselves; let's form views and ideas that are independent of others (if it's necessary, you should shut your eyes and close your ears to outside influence); let's step out of our shielded world of denial.
         I don't care what anyone says, but I'm going to respect the person with the most life views, the person who's thought about everything that interests them, not the person with the most money or influence.
I'd rather be flying up there with those bird which look so small from the ground..

The World is a Black Hole

Snuggled into my favorite blanket, and cradling a cup of hot chocolate, I stared out of the window. Somehow the mist outside had gotten into my head, my mind is a haze.

The outside world looked enticing; and, I felt myself being drawn to it like it was a black hole. It is a black hole. It’s terrifying, but attractive- the world outside, it drags me in and never lets me go. It makes me feel like I’m useless, like I’m not needed by anything or anyone, like I have no purpose (but do I have a purpose?). To and fro it marches, with the purposeful clatter of its stilettos, trampling my self-esteem underfoot. But I only go back and get hurt again. Those who wander aimlessly in this black hole are lost, and we are better off that way.

I wanted to throw off my blanket off and put on a coat, I wanted to run out into the foggy morning and prove my worth. I wanted to smile and laugh loudly and put on my own lethal-looking stilettos, but I knew that I would lose myself in the mist; I knew that my smile would falter weakly, and my laugh would turn to a whimper. The world would taunt me once more- slap me then pull me in again, drag me in again- until another bubble of my laughter disappears amidst the sound of a weak little cry.

I snuggled deeper into my blanket and took a scalding sip from my cup; I waited for the warmth to fill my body, but I felt a shiver run down my spine instead. No, I’d rather be lost, and aimless, and trampled, a bald dandelion, in this windy world of purpose. I’d rather get hurt again and again and again, than feel this haze in place of my brain, this haze that reminds me of my failures and freezes my insides. I’d rather go out and try my hand at proving my worth again. I’ll wander till I find my path. Besides, feeling a smile crack on my face, I thought, Not all who wander are lost.

The door creaked open, it has long since been used to my comings and goings, and I stepped into the back hole again.

From: www.longcitywalksblog.com

What is intellectual?

After a picture of Albert Einstein (who, I
think, was more intelligent than intellectual),
this is the first picture that
turned up on my simple
Google search

        Somewhere along the line, someone got the stupid idea that only those books deemed classical are considered intellectual. Of course, by someone, I mean Hollywood (There isn’t a day that goes by without me noticing the stereotyping created by what constitutes our entire film industry). Well, maybe I’ve been too harsh- it is Hollywood’s job to create stereotypes, to create an idiosyncratic character who reflects characteristics of the certain parts of society it wants to invoke -it is the way of art- but I still can’t help but cringe every time a new movie comes out and the nerdy-but-cute girl enters with an old-and-boring book in her hand, and huge glasses.

          Hollywood has programmed us to think that an “intellectual” is a man in cordovan loafers and a turtleneck, or a women with no fashion sense whatsoever; both have the essential glasses, and their noses stuck in a wearying book. Unfortunately, intellectual doesn’t mean that you read books of old- it means that you have insightful opinions on them. It is not the subject that makes a person intellectual, but the thought the person puts into it. One can be an intellectual on all things teen pop culture if they want; all they have to read is Teen Vogue, and Seventeen, and other magazines, and have an impressive opinion about the things they read- millions of girls simply copy their styles off of these magazines, but millions of others use them as ground zero, building up from there, and enhancing their own styles. So yeah, what I’m trying to say is that a person who reads Teen Vogue can be considered intellectual just as much as person who spent all of last weekend reading War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, but has learnt nothing from it-except for what has directly been stated, can be considered pretentiously stupid.

She's intellectual too...that style is unmistakably
original

              This is probably going to lead into stereotyping, so I'm going to stop before I go down that road. Any ol' person can study. Studying is easy, it's like being a kitchen sponge: soaking everything in, and then not knowing what to do, so you gradually let everything seep out. Learning, on the other hand, is more like being a frying pan: you take what you knowledge you get and then work on it, and change it, until you've made something useful from it. Because learning isn't about reading textbooks and other people's research, and rearranging it; learning is about reading textbooks and research papers, then forming your own thoughts about it-doing your own research. A lot of people focus on the reading, and they forget that thinking is a really important part of learning too! And just like that, you'll see that the original and stylish girl who reads Teen Vogue has learnt just as well as the guy who discovered a whole new side to James Joyces' Ulysses- because both of them did their research, and both of them thought about their research, and got new ideas about it.

Intellectual-ness (intellectuality? no that doesn't work either...)isn't about how much knowledge you have, and what kind of knowledge you have, it's about being able to think and use that knowledge.

Quote of the Day ~ Neil Gaiman

           I was reading The Ocean at the End of the Lane (even though I, technically, don’t have no time to do anything as unproductive as reading….I mean reading isn’t going to get me into college is it?), and I just snapped when I read this quote. I finally found the energy I thought I’d temporarily lost, the energy to write.

             It’s true isn't it? There’s no passing or failing at being a person. Whatever kind of person you are...you’re still a person, and that’s what counts. The real judge of whether you pass or fail is you. Do you think that you’re good at being? Do you think that you’d pass according to your own standards? If you bumped into yourself at the grocery store (one of the most judgmental places...don’t ever walk into the organic food section without designer clothes. Don’t.), what would you say later? Would you even make an impression...or too much of a bad one?

           That’s the question to ask. That’s the question we've all been itching to ask ourselves all those times we laughed at not-so-funny jokes, or tried to fit in though it kinda hurt us. We all thought that approval from others may mean approval from ourselves, turns out we were wrong. As long as you like yourself, you pass; you’re approved.

This is where I come in; everyone knows that you’re only happy when you approve of yourself. But what if you don’t know? What if you can’t decide whether you’re happy with what you see in yourself?
              It’s the forever questioning. It’s that feeling that you (I) don’t know what you are (I am). It’s the feeling that I don’t know what is right for me (and society isn't helping by being all, “College is good. Here, waste a fortune on it, and you’ll figure everything out”), and also the feeling that I’m passing myself when I don’t really know what grade I should give. But maybe that isn't the point. There is no pass or fail at being a person- I give up my right to judge myself. What is is what is (wow that statement looks so wrong in writing). Let me try again, What it is, is what it shall be- no stopping it (and by it, I mean life). For now, I’m going to just do what I think is right...I’m not going to judge my judgments; I’m not going to worry about whether I’m giving myself the right grade or not, I’m going to go with my flow-just do whatever I want to do without over-analyzing.

There’s no passing or failing at being a person, and there’s no passing or failing at taking care of yourself and wondering whether you're doing the right thing. If you've got the brains to over-think it...you’re probably fine.
(At least I think so)

The Pillars of Society

            Books like Divergent and Hunger Games have been ruling the Young Adult book scene lately (and by lately, I mean before John Green), and, from what I've seen, they're very traditionally Dystopian with a Twilight(-ian) twist to them*. These Dystopian worlds they've created are...well, they're different, and seem miserable to us who aren't used to it, but for people living in the Hunger Games/ Divergent/ The Giver dystopia, it must be quite normal and what they're used to. Maybe if people from the 50s (supposedly the Golden Age of American Government) or even the 70s read a book describing our society, they'd be a bit upset themselves.
           If anyone were to write this hypothetical book about American Society in the early 21^st century, what would be the main theme?
1984, by George Orville, had a theme of government spying on society all the time while Hunger Games had a theme of working class people (Districts 1 - 12) being forced to live amongst themselves with no prospect of raising their standard of living. What kept society in the book 1984 was the lack of connection between people which was created by the paranoia of always being spied on. In Hunger Games, the pillar keeping their society up was the absolute belief that one could only do for a living what one's father used to do; the belief that things must, and can, never change.


What keeps our society going? What is the never ending cycle of our society? What are some beliefs that can never be broken?

I mean, in comparison, our world seems perfect right? Yeah, there are some orthodox, homophobic people, but change can be brought about by protesting and court rulings....I mean Gay Rights became a thing recently right? We have a lot of change.
But what is one thing that can never ever change? What has always been a part of society, what is one thing that, coming to think of it, we don't need at all but we still have?


Trends in society...Trends in society...What are they?


In a world of change there can be no trends. But that's the answer to my question.
In a world of change.
Change is a trend in our world. Everyone is looking to change, to upgrade to the next level; everyone is ambitious.


        It's the need to succeed. Yes, that is what keeps society the way it is today.
           Our society today is defined by a manic rush for jobs; you are your job in this world. If you don't have, what society deems, a respectable job, then you have nothing. (Along with riches and fame,) job-glory/the image of prosperity is what drives the typical 2014 person the way he/she does (and I said typical).
              It consumes us: this need to prove ourselves as better, the best. Sometimes we forget to look at what we really want to do, because, maybe, what we want to do isn't accepted in society as “better” or “the best”.
This glory and idea of success are the pillars of our society. We're all hardwired to want glory and prosperity. The moment we stop listening to this preconceived idea of success, and start making our own plans, we break the cycle.

*Okay...whoo am I kidding? I read Hunger Games, and really wanted to read Divergent for a while.

Quote of The Day ~ Kurt Cobain

          Nirvana was before my time; I wish it wasn't. If music like that was on the mainstream in the 90s, it's no wonder my parents no longer listen to the radio today. I'm not a punk rock/grunge kinda girl myself, but their music is just so intoxicating, and so heartful. Under that lush sound is a song that's not all crap.        
         I've been wanting to do a Kurt Cobain quote for a long time now. Judging from his tumblr quotes, he seems like just the person who could spew profound philosophy just because; just the troubled misunderstood soul who comes up with untapped knowledge.

Did Kurt Cobain's death/suicide come as a surprise? I wouldn't have be too startled...
        I don't agree with Kurt Cobain, but I don't disagree with him either.

        If it's the difference between throwing a giant good-bye party for yourself and slipping away unnoticed, I would definitely pick the second option. It's so much better to fade away into the background without much ado; without a fight. Because it hurts both sides; it hurts to leave, and it hurts to be left. I believe it is wayy better to fade away and let the pain subside without making a it a big deal. The problem with slinking away unnoticed (besides making you look and feel like a coward) is that it puts a bad taste into all your memories. It doesn't provide closure (Philosophy Fact #2 Everyone seeks closure); saying goodbye -sometimes grandly- does. It would be nice to be remembered as the person with the fantastic party, and as the person from 'good times'. There are benefits to both fading away and burning out.

                Ugh there are soo many ways to look at this!

Burning out is like a tiny spark that lasts for a second; one minute it's there and the next, it's gone. The most important part of its existence-the thing it will always be remembered for- will be the way it ended with a show.
Burning out is like ripping a band-aid out quickly, feeling only momentary pain.
Burning out is like that one vibey tune you heard on the car radio on your daily commute one morning; it's short and sweet, and it makes your day.
Burning out is short. It's momentary. It's quick. And it's spectacular.
           Would a spark be any more beautiful if it lasted a long time? Would it be easier to gradually peel away the band-aid, fearing the pain more than feeling it? Would it be better if that fun, vibe-filled, tune lasted more than a couple minutes?

But fading away is like a book that goes on and on, losing momentum gradually. You don't want to continue reading, but you can't just stop.
Fading away is like playing a favorite game a million (and one) times and seeing all the possible scenarios- it get's boring towards the end, but at least you know that you've seen it all.
Fading away is like cancer. You know you're growing less distinct everyday, and you're ready for the end.
Fading away is knowing. It's familiar. It's steady. And it's comforting.
           Is it better to read a gripping short book than the one long one which slowly grows on you? Is it more fun to stop playing the best game you've ever played after you finish it once?
Is it better to die suddenly; in the middle of life...in the middle of a sentence.. than to be ready for it, and accept it before-hand?

            So here I am, back at square one. I've successfully argued both sides.
It's just that I don't like the idea of an end. I want everything to go on forever; I have goodbye issues. Don't we all? We just have to grit are teeth and do it- decide to end things. Change is good; always.
         So whether this change/end has been a long time coming, or just happened before you had a second to think, it's always going to be different. Not an upgrade, or a downgrade, just different.
        So what I'm trying to say is that there's no point wondering whether it's better to end things gradually, by fading away, or end them suddenly, like an unexpected burn out. The end is always going to be a change that we shouldn't worry about until we get to it.

De-stressing is going on a journey (no pun intented)

        I've been stressed about college lately (I'm just 2 (or so) days into my senior year of high school, and the cold, swirling waters are threatening to give me hypothermia).
 They're making me come up with a whole list of colleges I'd want to apply to; they're also expecting me to have the picture of an ideal college in my mind; they want me to know exactly what I want to do 3 months from now
           (and by they, I mean society. Which means that I'm basically stressing out and doing things because I'm making myself stress out and do things. Because "society" doesn't make anyone do anything. To not care about what society is saying is perfectly fine-no one's stopping you-or me- from being different. It's just that we're too scared to be, or maybe even ignorant of being, different; and hence, force ourselves to care about society. That is why I will stop blaming my stress on society, and rightfully take the crown of that responsibility for myself).
                          Obviously, I can't cope too well with stress, it forces me into (more than usual) incoherence and pretentiousness.
            What makes it worse is that even if the college hunt (I hate calling it that. I'm not hunting colleges; they're hunting me. I'm repulsed by walking into my kitchen and seeing a formidable stack of college brochures on the counter. I hate it) makes me sick, I can't stop talking about it.

My Internet Browser History looks something like this:
Bing Search: Liberal Arts College
Bing Search: Journalism School
Bing Search: Liberal Arts College with Journalism
Bing Search: Difference between Journalism school and Liberal Arts College
...and on, and on, and on, and on...(and on)

So not only am I stressed and confused and overwhelmed, I am manically obsessed with being all those things. I feel like Victor Frankenstein, I really do. (That is good analogy, if I say so myself.)

         Besides compulsively looking for universities I might fit into, I've been..well... noticeably weird(er). I spent a third of my day cuddled up in my blankets inside a pillow fort, pretending I'm a homeless person who's being hunted by the "normal" people -not alone mind you, I'm not that crazy (I think), but with my brother-it was a childhood game.

           Coming to think of it, it was a pretty weird game. Why would 7-year-old me decide that the real enemies-the one's who can only be warded off by a pillow fort (which is a big deal for a 7-year-old)- are the normal people: the ones who walk on the street with their tailored to perfection suits, the ones with their disapproving glares, the ones who are indescribably mundane: natural, orderly...other thesaurus words. Why is it that 7-year-old-me fought what is natural, and normal, so instinctively (naturally?) ?

             While other little girls had tea parties and played with their little dollies, I hid from the normal world with all its traditions and rules (To be fair though, the world behind my pillow fort was perfect- I don't really remember what I did, but I do remember the bliss of staying there. A bliss that was no longer present when a fully (well kinda) grown me tried to recreate the circumstances). Nevertheless, that is messed up.

             Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a lonely child; I had friends, but I kinda pulled them into my little game too. At one point, my pillow fort had troop of 7 soldiers (consisting of cousins, best friends, and that one weird kid who lived around the corner). But really, why is being different so important to me? Why?

         Haha I've questioned everything about everything for as long as I can remember: culture and norms, public "decency", stereotypes, generalizations etc.
I've always been interested in patterns. Now I'm trying to find a pattern in my questioning. I'm questioning my ability to question... And it's time to stop before I fall into an existential crisis (trust me, those are dangerous)
          Questioning everything is profitable as long as you don't cross that invisible line you can feel- it's more of an invisible energy field actually- as you approach it.

Stress can really do things to you, and stress-release can do quite some other things. This post really took me on a journey. It did (repeating things is always so reassuring haha).

That it shall. (1 Corinthians 1:8)