I'm looking for me

My poor little blog! Its exactly like one of those houses in the middle of nowhere, so empty, so abandoned.(well at least those houses are occasionally haunted with the most interesting ghosts)

I wish this would stop moving!!

                      My page view trend looks a lot like my grade trend now (in other words, up..up...up..down.....down...umm help?....okay stop....nonono.....STAHP!.....uh-oh rock bottom..."do these go in negative?") This also represents my zen level.

                                                 
                       They all go together, my blog, my grades and my zen, (is that even a thing?) that's what I noticed. I don't really think of myself as a real person anymore, I'm more like that poor waiter trying to balance 3 full plates of sushi and an umbrella while he's on roller-skates in the rain, in the middle of a crowded street AND he has to smile the whole time! 

                          I need to keep my zen levels up and I really don't know how.

Google is no use as usual....here are my search results :-

• Drink green tea (do they even know how horrible that tastes)
• Do yoga (that involves waking up early...not good for my stress levels)
• Smile (Really? i wouldn't have guessed)

Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure all these things work...in some cases; but that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for myself, I'm looking to get to know the inner me again because it feels like I've lost her in all the chaos of the outside world.

                       Essentially, I'm looking for the deep part of me (example here)- the part of me that actually thinks for myself, acts for herself and lives for herself. Because, really, I don't think that I-the glassy, person typing away right now-live for myself or think for myself. I live that cliche life, wanting things that everyone seems to want and doing things that everyone seems to be doing.

I want to think what I want to think, I want to know what I want to know, I want to feel what I want to feel.

           I want to be the me I want to me.

That is, in reality, the problem with school. There is such an overwhelmingly large number of people, such an overwhelmingly large number of views and opinions; I really can't hold my own, I can't be anything, I'm just weirdly misshaped mixture of everyone else. I'm a globby mess (thats the word! even if it isn't a real word. That's how I feel).
                             Unlike what I make it sound like, this happens pretty often, I get detached pretty often but I always had a little "me-day" planned out which helped me out

• Listen to Dig-a-Little deeper from The Princess and The Frog (don't you dare underestimate the feel-good power of a Disney song!)

• Watch a hopeful chick-flick like Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Karate Kid (the original).
• A good old fashioned make-over (sometimes it helps to be shallow when you're trying to be deep)
• An hour-and-a-half chat with my besties (well a phone call will have to do now)

 What's weird is that I did all of that today, its just that I didn't find anyone today. Am I lost forever?

Ok this is REAL. THIS IS DEFINITELY REAL! (Or is it?)

                                          You may be wondering why I'm freaking out (or you might ignore it all and then just leave the page, secretly asking yourself what you are doing with your time) but I'm going to freak out a little longer.. OMG! OMG! OMG! 

I don't know whether this is some sort of a gimmick or not but apparently

     NASA FOUND A MESSAGE FROM GOD ON MARS
.  (click on the link for the full story)

I know it sounds ridiculous when I say it, but I really think its true..

Whats true? here's the story:

Yesterday in one of its statements NASA stated that their rover had found two "elephant sized" stone tablets, one of them with the 10 commandments engraved on it, the other simply said "I am Real" (in English) Both tablets were signed "Peace and Love- Yahweh" *mind blown*

                              Ok I better admit that the source was COMPLETELY un-credible...that is, it was all some huge joke which someone dreamed up (a pretty good joke too...) Apparently the website I found it on was a "satirical". (This lead to my emergency googling of the word 'satirical'-it basically means sarcastic...I mean who does that? Why would you write satirical if you could just say sarcastic? Their fancy language led to my panic attack- I actually wrote the first two paragraphs of this post while still freaking out) 

                                        Of Course, I'm a Christian and I should have been all happy and rejoicing over the whole deal , but instead I freaked out completely, I thought the entire story (of Christianity) was just some fake thing that somebody pasted in our minds, this could be any time and space traveling freak! who knew? (Excuse the craziness but thats what I genuinely thought...after all I just finished my first Sci-fi series today *yay me!* to be honest, I don't even like sci-fi, I just thought that reading it would make a good experience) 

                           And thus was all because I know that God doesn't have to write "Im Real" on a giant tablet on Mars to actually be real. On the contrary, if this IS real...then something is definitely up...God isn't a faker who does everything for show...he isn't one of us humans...he's a lot more than that..

              

sometimes, you just have to believe WITHOUT having to try it out yourself :p

Well anyway, Im not actually going to talk about Atheists in this post (or in any other post for that matter) I'm just not interested in starting a cyber war
                          What I really wanted to share was the site I found the original "God Exists!" thing on... its all so real, its just like reading a real newspaper, I real this totally convincing article of an interview with Selena Gomez about her ex-boyfriends dick size! (lol i cant believe I just said that), Justin Beiber compares himself to God, and Barack Obama rates the first ladies of the world :p
Dont frget to check it out for some good laughs :) Daily Currant- Google it!
 and if you have a stupid friend (someone like me :p) then you can have some fun :p

Forever alone?Really?

I was sitting in church today...nd i wasnt paying much attention(that was probably because the child in front of me was reading a book with loads of colourful pictures and i kept peeping)
For some reason my mind started wandering to books(okay i know the reason now actually)
and i remembered how my best friend back home...she always liked to read books with sad endings
it was pretty funny and when things ended right in a book she justs casts it looks of disgust
(yeah she was a nicholas sparks fan)
i remembered how my other best friend involuntarily attracted older-20-something-guys when we went out..
i remembered how whenever i was in my old church, i always had someone to exchange glances with..
i remembered how it felt to stand on the balcony of my 13th floor apartment and feel the wind in my hair...
and suddenly they were there, the tears i was desperately trying to work up when i talked with my friends for the last time, the ones that didnt come when i watched my parents lock the doors to the place id called home for..(ok it isnt too long, but i get attached real quick)
Thats when i realised that this lent season,i dont really have to abstain from anything because im already far far away from everyone and everything i need..
they ARE my food and water!
So there i was sitting in church and trying not to let the tears out,when my eyes fell on a little girl,
a little girl who reminded me of me when i was her age (the same flop of unkept hair, and....well the hair was the main resemblance :p)and she smiled at me...a sweet innocent smile
Thats when i remembered that there would always be someone for me, always