Happy 2014! (I promised myself I wouldn't say YOLO)

Just in case you've been living under a pile of work (or have just been avoiding television and instagram and other evil-society-things ever since the Great Miley Cyrus Incident - which is fine actually)...

IT'S almost THE NEW YEAR!

               Living in the slowest time zone in the world can be a pain some times, but at least i still get to hold onto 2013 a leetle bit longer; this year has been....just like any other year of my life - perfect in it's own way. Because I wouldn't change anything about anything in my life- it wouldn't be mine if I did :)

       My New Year's resolution is going to be 'No Regrets', I know the whole "Life's too short" and "YOLO" phrases have been overused (and totally hated- with good reason too) but I have to say it...Carpe Diem (I would say "seize the year" in Latin to sound more fancy but year in Latin isn't very pretty). There's no point in regretting what you've done, just go with it! 

                   The idea of life is to write a good story, to paint a good picture- to have something beautiful at the end of it. It's not about being correct all the time and always doing what's right in society's perspective, because a "correct" picture is a neat one, where all the all the shapes are geometric and all the colors are within the lines. It's not real. 

This is harder than it looks (took me close to a half hour to make)

No one has a life that looks like that. You can't always do what's expected, you can't always do what society says is perfect.....because then you'll end up with a picture like that ^ 

                           It's our mistakes, our sudden decisions, random mood swings and crazy days that make us who we are. So let's wear our mistakes loud and proud! Because we all know that perfection includes all those little things that make us who we are. It's our choices that make us different. It's our choices that help make our masterpiece. So whatever you do, don't regret your decisions. You made them! They're the right ones simply because they're yours. These decisions make our lives, so let's make our lives whatever we want them to be...(here I am back to the Life's an empty canvas thing..)

I'm not suggesting anything by using Van Gogh. I'm not.

Lets make our decisions make a master piece for us!

So I really don't want to Wish anyone a Happy New Year....I'm willing everyone an amazing year....Absolutely willing you all to have a great year. Because we can't stop others from making us unhappy but we can stop making ourselves unhappy... 

If we stop regretting, half of the sadness is already gone. Half the happiness is already here!

(Don't hate on "YOLO", life is too short to have regrets. #yolo is actually deep haha :)

Looking into my mind, in 20 years.

I'm trying to look into other people's minds (technically I'm still figuring out how to look into my own mind but..). This is, I think, what a mind sounds like-

****

If there was an escape button for a mistake made, I'd be pushing it right now. 

          I flashed a smile at the harassed looking girl behind the counter as she stammered apologies here, and timidly took orders there. It must be here first day here.

"taXI!" 

Today's the day, this is it. This is the end.

I looked out into the dreary city as it slowly chugged by, cursing the traffic. I can't be late. Not today.

"You work here?"

           I sighed, even my cabbie didn't like the look of the place.

There are ways, there are ways to get back up. 

          "Thank you" I said, handing him his fare warily. He seemed alright so far but I couldn't be sure. What he turns out to be one of those creepy visit-again guys? (I've had 2 of those already)

           I feel my feet dragging as I walk the familiar path to my cubicle. I peep into Mel's place, she isn't here. I leaf through a bunch of files, they're just a proof of my poor organizing skills. 

This isn't what you wanted. This isn't you.

              I sip at my coffee, remembering the girl from this morning. She definitely hated her job too. 

Everyone does. It's natural. 

   I flick through some more files, knowing that I'll have to get some work done later on.

This isn't right. This isn't it. There's a world out there.

I turn instinctively to the window, then I remember that Mel's new "workspace" is in the way. I decide to take a walk, to the window, to get some air. Then suddenly, I'm walking to Mike's office. Fast.

             I'm playing with the leaves of the giant plant-tree outside his door. He's definitely busy. Maybe I should come back later.

This is it. It's time to go.

 "Hey...", he looks puzzled. Of course he's puzzled, I'm not supposed to be here.

I just wanted to tell you that I quit. I can't do this anymore but it's been great working for you and this company. It's definitely been...an experience. But it's time for me to go now. 

           "Nothing, I just came to uhh, clarify a little doubt I had...." and I rush with my words; they all tumble out, a mess. I'm a mess.

                Leaning my head against the cold glass (this time I actually made it to the window), I finish the speech I'd started in my head in Mike's office, "I need to go because this isn't me. This job isn't me. I don't...I can't do this. Not anymore." 

      I look at my reflection in the glass, knowing that I would be the only one who would ever hear those words.

****

               They're telling me (the real me) that I'm at a "crucial point", the crossroad, the point of no return. They're saying that a mistake made now, could cost me...forever.

                    At least this time, I know who "they" are. They're my parents, my teachers and all those other "well-wishers" who do nothing but make my life harder, make me worry harder.

I don't want be that girl, who years from now, regrets a mistake I, 16-year-old-I, made. I don't want to have a mid-life crisis in my thirty's(I don't want to have a mid-life crisis at all, but that's another story).

           I want to make the right choices and I want to be unafraid. I want to be able to take this decision-making-time and turn it around. I want to be strong right now.

                But I'm still scared, scared of messing up, scared of looking out of the window one day and wishing that I'd made a different choice today.

There are two kinds of love

She's singing Mariah Carey again. My mom.
When she reaches her pitchy (Though she thinks she's perfect- "I used to be in my church's choir at your age") "Baby, All I want for christmaaaas is yoooooo", I wonder at her love. At how she's still so in love, there's no other word for it. There are no synonyms for love. No other word (Just to be thorough:

none of these even come close...

My parents are definitely the most successful love story I've ever seen. It's been 17 years and they're still so happy together. I've seen it in their eyes. They're that cliche happy couple with their perfect little family (except for their unfittingly different daughter of course but that's another story).

Every time I see their hands naturally find each other, or I turn to find them smiling into each others eyes, I feel my heart burst with their love. I'm not even trying to exaggerate, it's just the way it is- they spread their love everywhere.

I'm more than just envious, I'm jealous (Those words mean the same thing but I still think jealousy is worse than envy haha). I want a love like theirs in my life too. I'd always wondered how they managed to find each other.

You'd imagine a couple like that would have a really adorable story about how they met, or about how my dad proposed, or about how they used to hate each other at first, but my parents actually had a not so beautiful beginning.

They had an arranged marriage. The first time they actually talked to each other was at their engagement party! This is the part that drives me nuts...they didn't even find each other! They didn't even know each other until after they were married! They didn't even have a choice...

Here, in America, this concept is pretty unheard of. It sounds ominous actually. But it's not that uncommon back home. The whole arranged marriage thing seemed to be doing everyone a favor.

they grew old together. But...
they didn't find each other

"It's magic." my grandma says, "you'll find the one you love and you don't even have to look." Is this even real?

This totally shattered me,
But it still got me thinking... does real love exist?
You know, that thing all my sappy movies describe, that feeling of knowing when you look into someone's eyes, that feeling that you belong here, right here in those eyes.
Or was that just romantic crap some writer spun out in his huge mansion in LA?

My parents love each other. There's no doubt about it. But they didn't look in each other's eyes and find a missing part of themselves or whatever. Their love developed over the years, and it's only going to get stronger. But..

But then is it possible that "The One" person who's meant for you doesn't exist? Is it possible that you just take what you've got and you can learn to love them as much as the couple in every rom-com?

I've come to think that maybe there are too kinds of love...the kind that develops over time, a love that didn't start out as love at all. But a love that's strong and reliable and comfortable.
And the kind that's present from the very first moment. It's that love when you find that person who's made for you, that person who's is really, and truly your other half. It's that love of belonging and familiarity.

Maybe there's still hope, maybe there ARE two kinds of love.
Maybe the rom-com writers weren't spinning crap at all.....maybe they were just talking about the one kind of love... (In that case someone needs to make a rom-com about the other kind too...the lack of movies led me to moments of serious confusion haha)

I really do think there's someone out there who's actually The SoulMate. Someone who's really just a long lost part of me.

On the other hand, even if we don't find our "soul mate", we can still love with all our heart...and find that there are people who love us back.

I can't think of a remotely nice sounding name for this post...... The Good Things About Finals (to put it bluntly)

Finals week is burning through....and really fast too.

                I wish I could be one of those people who complains about studying and finals fever and stuff...but it feels like just any other week to me (with an abnormal amount of just-opened-my-text-book-for-the-first-time paper flips and coffee in the air).

           

                       If you want instant stress relief during finals (not that anyone would even be online during finals week except to post updates like "3 more days!" or "#finalsStress #DidntStudy #feelingNerdy + *fake nerdy picture with a textbook*"), you shouldn't come to me because I am, that person who doesn't stress about these things.....like ever.....

Okay maybe I'm only kidding but Finals is actually a relief after regular school time

Reason #1: The day is incredibly short! No more wasting the entire day at school because you get to spend the rest of the day *studying*. I'm pretty sure most people only use like 20% of that time to study. The rest of it is meant for enjoying the late morning which, in case most teenagers haven't noticed, is something we don't get to do very often thanks to school!

I'm so cool Hipster Owl :)

Reason #2: No more dealing with annoying people. All we have to do is get to class, do whatever they tell you to do for two short hours and get to leave. Aand there's a bonus! The two *short* hours involved 0 to minimal interaction with the otherwise annoying fellow students (who really are a pain, with all their little dramas and would-be cool attitudes-- "Duuuuuude, I listened to that before it became mainstream....... *talking to him/herself in a loud voice for people to hear" or "OhmiGod! she's such a bitch!! *two minutes later* I'm so hipster yo, I hate high school drama...I'm above that shit.")

Reason #3: Once we're done with a subject, we don't have to think about it until next year. Sounds pretty nice, doesn't it? (even though next year is like 3 weeks away and all the amazing vloggers and viners have already started making "What happened in 2013" posts.... Honestly, I think they're totally rushing things, WE'VE GOT 3 MORE WEEKS! THINGS COULD HAPPEN! Don't start talking about 2013 like it's dead....yet. 

           Things like this really stress me out- like the fact that a whole year has gone by and i still sometimes write 2012 on my papers, or the fact that I have completed a total of 0 of my new years resolutions and I'm probably going to have to start thinking up new ones for 2014 now..... I'm seriously thinking of not making any resolutions this year. What's the point? These New year things serve as a reminder to our- I say "our" because I know that 70% of the population didn't fulfill their's either (I should be making a survey about that! okay one High School Survey On New Years Resolutions coming right up!)- laziness and also show my (our?) naive nature from a year before. Okay now it's me doing it. Let's stop. No more talk of the new year, let's enjoy what we have left of 2013, we haven't even had Christmas yet...Who's talking about Christmas? Christmas is good...Shiny lights and candy... and Baby Jesus (I meant Baby Jesus first of course :p))

Okay I just got really really back-tracked and I don't really feel like deleting everything that I wrote, I don't even feel up to moving it to a separate post for itself. So I guess this will just have to be the "What's good about Finals (+ teensy tiny rant about new year)" post. 

Well that final rant really took the steam out of me haha, I really can't go any longer about the good things about finals....All I was trying to say that it's ONE WEEK. and it's the one week before winter break! We've even got a nice prize in the end! 

                       Finals is a race which is slow and breezy, no need to get worried, just keep your eye on the prize. Winter Break! It'll be over real quick.

In the mean time, don't forget- we still have three weeks! Maybe one of your resolutions can be done in 3 weeks! (trust me, keeping a resolution is one of the best feelings in the world- it's like the feeling you get when you're lying in bed, half asleep and listening to someone else get ready for work :)

Happy Finals everyone! And happy holidays (as in Christmas)!

Me vs.The Universe

“I don't want to stay in the bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or love or happy endings.” 

― Matthew Quick, The Silver Linings Playbook

This is probably the most famous quote from the book but I just had to put it in. It's not even my favorite quote, but it was begging. 

                         Because nobody wants to stay in a bad place. But we all do. the world is a bad place: nobody really believes in silver linings, nobody really believes in love and no one, absolutely Nobody believes in a happy ending.

                            It's almost a joke: life isn't a movie they say(The mysterious "they" strike(s) again), nobody has a happy ending. Nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to go. Life isn't perfect, it's an accepted fact. 

             There are people who can get you down; and sometimes, things just happen. You never get what you want and when you do, it's all just an illusion because nothing is really an ending- every little ending is just a new beginning with it's cruel little plot twists. 

                                 Is the universe really designed to make people sad? 

Is it designed to stop happy endings? If it isn't, then why don't they exist, happy endings I mean. Why does no one have one. Why is no one really happy? 

                      I'm making a lot of assumptions right now but I'm pretty sure I'm right. Nobody is happy. Nobody has happy endings and It's a waste of time really, looking for a silver lining, because - in case it hasn't been noticed already- clouds don't have silver linings.  

                            Random optimism ("Every cloud has a silver lining!" or "When one door shuts close, another always opens up :)" etc.) is great, but to really really be happy, one has to numb out negativity. Just ignore it. Because life's going to get you down, but you've got to ignore it and keep working. Everyone's gonna try and stop you but you can't be stopped. 

      I think the universe is working against us. It's making us feel like there's no such thing as love or happy endings or silver linings. It's destroying them for us. We have to ignore it.

               It's just that person in the corner with a bad attitude who's in need of some coffee. So what if the universe is a bad place, so what if the world is a place with apparently no silver linings and no love? 

            Even if the universe is working against us, it can never destroy us. It can give us a pretty rough time, it can take away our happy endings but in the end, it can't ruin us completely.

             Maybe we can't control the world around us but there's we can control ourselves. So it's our job to twist and dodge every shot the (evil) universe throws at us, sometimes it may give us a curveball, and we may feel hopeless. (It does seem hopeless doesn't it? when you've got the great big cosmos against you?) 

          But we have to get back up, We have to fight for our happy endings, fight to get them back. It may seem like no one's happy but after this war, we're all going to get them back, every last fair-tale. Because we're not going to lose to the universe which seems to be constantly working to bring us down.

                             It seems like a mess. But I'm waging a war with the cosmos.

                   

I want to live, not just exist

                           At first I thought I'd make a post just for the heck of it...then I remembered that I make ALL my posts just for the heck of it haha (not that I don't love my blog, but we all know that my rambling is amusing(hopefully?) but useless)

It's Wednesday and we're over the hump, so yay us! (in reality I really like Wednesday though, by then I actually get used to waking up early; but Thursday brings a weekend rush with it and I get lazy all over again)
                         I woke up on Monday this week (I was supposed to write this post on Monday but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, but Wednesday's good right?) with the worst case of STFU-itis ever (the disease of being anxious and cranky on a Monday morning). For me, besides anxiety, it also creates an unusual -ok usual- patch of pessimistic philosophy.
                   
I just realized that waking up on Monday morning is never going to end. Even if I count down for the weekend, what's after that? Monday. If I count down for winter break, what's after that? Another Monday. If I count down for graduation (3 more semesters!), what's after that? College. More work, more Mondays.

                  Okay, I guess I haven't been really fair to Mondays but they've become a symbol of the tedious routine of my life. What am I going to do? School (filled with GPA, SAT and other alphabet combinations). Then college (which probably has it's own alphabetical torture). Then some obscure desk-job where I'm still going to be complaining about Mondays.
                    It's like I have a whole life already planned out ahead of me....only I don't want a pre-planned life. I don't want to go to college and find a job (which will probably be some obscure desk job with awkward elevator silences and mean bosses). Because I know that when I'm 80, I probably won't have any colorful stories to tell. And if it's one thing I want, it's a life full of weird tales-- funny, but weird.
                    I know that anyone would tell me to follow my dreams- do what I want. (I've said it myself, "Life's an empty canvas and you've got your brush...so what're you waiting for?" ). But...what if your ambition requires you to work really hard, to give up the small things?
                   That's a hard one. Maybe that ambition isn't really yours. It may be all shiny lights and big money, but I'm sure it's not gonna be fun. I'm not going to fall for a glamorous desk job with high pay- because a desk job is a desk job.
                            Doing things at your own pace, and liking what you're doing mayn't give you the finer things in life. But it's probably going to give you the best things- like happiness and that feeling you get when people laugh at your funny and weird stories, telling you that your life is awesome(that feeling is indirectly happiness...but I just wanted to mention it :)

                    I need the courage to look for happiness instead of looking for money. It's really crucial right now and I don't want to make a mistake. On one hand, I don't really want to whine about Mondays 10 years from now, but I also really don't want to not be able to pay my bills. Is there a compromise? Is there a way I can be happy on my own terms but also on the terms of the world?
                                                 Because I want to live, not just survive.

Flappers and all that jazz

I wish I was born in another time period...don't get me wrong, I actually like the 2000s with all the great music (i mean we have more than just pretty boy bands, we DO have some real music out there), the great technology (as much as I hate hashtags, I think twitter's pretty cool) and

some cool things going on (the church is starting to accept gay people, and I'm expecting our current pope to actually let women be priests)- 

yes that about sums up the 2000s for me- 

                                                        music, social justice (almost there), technology (only partially). 

Hell.. that about sums up everything I care about in my life- 

    (you can now see why this site is titled 'Yeah I'm A Teenage Blogger' now haha)

Well IF I was born in any other time period, I'd probably choose (because this is my world, and here we have a free choice of which era to be born in) the 1920's, the roaring 20's yeah.

Everyone  knows about how the 20's was a time when there was much illegal drinking because alcohol was prohibited (I know most people's reaction to this law was something like "wait...wah..bu..wat?!" but I think I understand why they did it).

                       But the 20's was so much more than speak-easies (illegal bars with actual passwords :)

and dancing women and jazz music. It was something else, it was the AGE of progress (even more so than the progressive era!). 

                       Women TOTALLY rose up. These 1920's ladies laid the foundation for what we are today. They started going to college and getting a job (or at least going to high school and getting a job), they started fashion, they started make-up, they started flirting- in other words, they started the woman race as it is today. 

                         Without the 1920s women would have been like: 

From this 

To this

that girl at whose birth everyone flinched because she was a girl. That girl who stayed at home all day and did house work for her mother.
That girl who compliantly married the man of her parents' choice.
That girl who now stayed at home all day and did house work for her husband.

That girl who enjoyed her sad little life because it was all she knew.

Now that the 20s came around, the women had more to do. I admit that it wasn't like all the women just suddenly woke up one day and went, "Oh my God! my life is going to ruins! I must totally leave the house and get out there! I need to see the world!". And that's partially because we don't usually say stuff the moment when we wake up (it's more like uhuuuhh.....hucbdsb which is sleep code for "I want to be asleep right now!!") and also because nobody actually says things like that.
                      It was just the circumstances, women had just gotten the right to vote. They thought they were on top of things. They'd been working through the war to keep up the economy and were feeling pretty accomplished. So they got out of the house, they got jobs, they got themselves some money.
              That's when it started, the nations first generation of shoppers! These ladies were great! Skirts became littler, co-eds became commoner (more common?) - you were finally allowed to spend the rest of your life with someone you actually knew and liked!! and make-up started to exist :)

I may not be the biggest fan of slutty dresses and make up, but...I guess these guys are an exception. I mean, the life of a woman in the 1900's was probably torture- I'd take slutty dresses and make up over forced child birth and spousal rape any day.

                 But as usual, the "elders" had a problem with the girls. Don't they always? They called these women "flappers"- I suppose that this was their idea of a 'bad word' haha. Obviously it didn't work. We all love 'em now...I mean I think I saw 6-7 "flapper" costumes this halloween and what it did was make me smile.

The flappers were the best thing that happened to the women of the world- they finally made the girls "one of the boys".

How this connects to the world today is the Miley Cyrus talk and all the twerking and *other things* going on there...
                  Is Miley Cyrus the flapper of our generation? Is what we call too much going to be not that much in the future? Are people in the 2100's going to be smiling at all the controvery around the 2013 VMAs?

When are we going to stop? How much progress is too much progress?

I think that the "progress" we are seeing here with Miley Cyrus and all her little follower twerkers is not progress at all...
I mean I don't really have a problem with Miley Cyrus or her amazing nerve (honestly, I admire her for everything) It's just that we're going back to the same old days, the woman entertains the man.

It's okay, women can do whatever they want. That's the idea. I hope this thought doesn't get woozy, I hope no one runs away with the idea that women's progress is twerking heaven--because it isn't.
Women can entertain men, I'm not saying it's wrong or anything...But it's just as long as there're men to entertain women too...That's real gender balance.

I actually think Miley Cyrus has got the right idea, she did seem a bit offended-  talking about how nobody gossips about the guy behind the booty who seems to be enjoying himself, but about the booty itself. (Hey I think that's a quote!! I see a future here :)

So lets just hope all the other trend-setters have they're sights set for the right kind of progress.

(Note: this is NOT a Miley Cyrus post, it's a progress post, it's 1920's salute post---I'm still trying to convince ,myself haha)

Lets give Nuclear Power a chance...can we please?

I know its scary but I really think that's its time for the big Change (its big enough to be capitalized!)
(PS this is a nuclear power plant in the far islands of Germany)

So they're closing another Nuclear Power Plant. Another one. 
                         That's definitely the last straw (though technically for me, it would be the first one. I really haven't really been in the closing nuclear power plants and other groovy news items loop :p ). I seriously think that if things keep going this way, we won't have any (nuclear) power plants left. Imagine that!
                         Most people have an incredibly bad opinion about nuclear power plants, calling it "dangerous" and "unnecessary". It seems like a lot of drama over something that's a good thing :/ 
                            
                        First of all, nuclear power plants aren't dangerous! I don't know what put that notion into people's heads (actually I do, if you're remembering all those explosions. Take note that there has been only one actual dangerous nuclear disaster in history and that was at Chernobyl. Want to know how many people died of it? 56). I'm not saying that it's okay for 56 people to die, if it's just 56 people. 
            I'm saying that nuclear disasters, which people think would happen everyday, almost never happen! We've had only one dangerous one so far, and it was 27 years ago! Technology has improved, we're only getting better at making energy. It's a lot safer now, we haven't had an accident in a looong time (I choose to ignore Fukushima- no I haven't been living under a rock, I know that it happened- because the death toll isn't in. So far they have just one man who died within a 20-mile radius due to anything that remotely resembles over-exposure to high radiation levels). 
                         And also, its not like Nuclear Power Plants are the only ones that have accidents...(because I'm not here to cover up the mistakes made in the past, they're here and there's nothing we can do about it-except for learn from them, which we do- I'm here to point fingers!) Other sources of energy are equally dangerous, sometimes- and by that I mean most of the time- these other sources are a LOT more dangerous. My obvious example would be oil!

That would be uncomfortable on my roof too

Yes i have resorted to cute animal pictures
But hey! they work :)

• First they build they're huge drilling machines over the pretty (dangerous and slippery) Arctic landscape.
• They they take it out. But what good is oil if its all stuck in the Arctic right? So now they take their humongous oil tankers up there to get all the oil back. They aren't even CAREFUL with it. Oils spills are soo common nowadays...(seriously, you can go Google "oil spill in the news" right now and you would probably get news about an oil spill that occurred yesterday or maybe last week?)There have been more than 150 dangerous oil spills recorded in history. The Exxon Valdez and BP oil spills are some of the worst. Just because the ones affected aren't people (in this case, adorable sea otters and other amazing creatures of the sea) doesn't mean that we shouldn't care!

Oil refinery in the UAE

• Then this oil (if it survives an oil spill that is) is taken to a refinery to be well, refined. That's where the people dying part comes in. Do you know how much an oil refinery pollutes the environment in a year? I don't know and I don't want to. Polluted air sucks, it kills people...more than 56 people (I don't mean to offend the 56 who died but I really need them for my comparisons. I'm not evil! Don't judge me!!). THIS is what most environmentalists are always talking about. The ozone layer, polluted air...it all seems so repetitive...but hey! I guess that's the price you pay right?
• Then this refined oil is put into cars, airplanes and all the other ego-rising vessels for transportation and what do we get? More pollution!! yay! (plush interiors and all that jazz to death right?) 
• OR that refined oil is burned to give us "energy" (so what do we have now? A lot of pollution and maybe, just maybe a little titchy bit of energy which isn't enough. Who would've thought?)

                      Now why did I even go into oil and how much it sucks to be a part of a wrld that uses it? Oh yeah...Nuclear Power Plants :)

Thermal power plant in India

                           As I was saying, nuclear power plants are NOT "dangerous" or "expensive". They are, truth be told, a lot cheaper than natural gas/ oil power plants. Its really surprising, really really surprising considering that nuclear power plants make about 73 thousand times more energy than any old natural gas power plant. (73199.998536 to be exact). According to MIT's estimation, natural gas power plants cost about 5.1 ¢/kWhr (cents per kilo-watts hour) while a nuclear power plant costs about 3.5 ¢/kWhr. Lets not forget that natural gas also costs a lot to manufacture, and is also super polluting. Now we know that nuclear power plants are cheaper, we know that they're a lot less work (just one power plant and we're good for the next ten years...no messy refining or drilling). Why not give it a shot? Think of the baby otters!!

Nuclear power plants are green, they're cheap and they aren't what you think they are. Lets give them a chance, because if we do wanna keep riding our cars and flying our planes we should stop using oil to power our lights and computers too!

My source for ALL of this information is http://www.eia.gov/ which is actually a government website and is ALL credible- so this is more than just one delusional girl's thoughts, their real. (I can't believe that I just called myself delusional).

Life's an empty canvas...you've got the brush; so what're you waiting for? It's time to paint :)

I'm lying flat on my back, on a yoga mat. My mother snoozes next to me, her occasional, interrupted snoring blends in with the background. I'm staring at the ceiling, thinking "What if  I stop waiting for things to happen? What if I stop saying 'what if'?"

              I haven't been writing in a while, and I think I finally know why. I talked a lot about "finding"" myself, trying to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life. I really thought that I couldnt live until I had some sort of connection with myself. What I didnt realize was that I was-AM-me. I don't need a connection with myself,I'm already me! How could I have wanted to find myself when I was-am-here all along (writing about yourself in a past tense is not a good idea haha).

                            That bring me back to lying on a yoga mat and thinking -that's all I've been doing the past months, trying to do what every other great philosopher did (okay okay, what every great philosopher did), "figure out the meaning of life". Heres what I think :

Can you believe this quote!!!? Its just what I needed, its just what everyone needs! No, its not time to sit around and think about what life has in store for us. Its time to get out there and make a life for ourselves, its time to create! Life is totally like an empty canvas, its time to paint :)

                           So I don't say What If anymore, and I also don't lie on yoga mats anymore(that's only because my mother has finally stopped catching up on her sleep during her exercise time and has actually begun lifting her arms and stuff....this stuff is actually pretty hard). I'm not even going to stop and think about what color I'm going to paint...I'm going to just do it (I thought that the best way to end the post would be to use another overly used, trademarked phrase)

I'm looking for me

My poor little blog! Its exactly like one of those houses in the middle of nowhere, so empty, so abandoned.(well at least those houses are occasionally haunted with the most interesting ghosts)

I wish this would stop moving!!

                      My page view trend looks a lot like my grade trend now (in other words, up..up...up..down.....down...umm help?....okay stop....nonono.....STAHP!.....uh-oh rock bottom..."do these go in negative?") This also represents my zen level.

                                                 
                       They all go together, my blog, my grades and my zen, (is that even a thing?) that's what I noticed. I don't really think of myself as a real person anymore, I'm more like that poor waiter trying to balance 3 full plates of sushi and an umbrella while he's on roller-skates in the rain, in the middle of a crowded street AND he has to smile the whole time! 

                          I need to keep my zen levels up and I really don't know how.

Google is no use as usual....here are my search results :-

• Drink green tea (do they even know how horrible that tastes)
• Do yoga (that involves waking up early...not good for my stress levels)
• Smile (Really? i wouldn't have guessed)

Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure all these things work...in some cases; but that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for myself, I'm looking to get to know the inner me again because it feels like I've lost her in all the chaos of the outside world.

                       Essentially, I'm looking for the deep part of me (example here)- the part of me that actually thinks for myself, acts for herself and lives for herself. Because, really, I don't think that I-the glassy, person typing away right now-live for myself or think for myself. I live that cliche life, wanting things that everyone seems to want and doing things that everyone seems to be doing.

I want to think what I want to think, I want to know what I want to know, I want to feel what I want to feel.

           I want to be the me I want to me.

That is, in reality, the problem with school. There is such an overwhelmingly large number of people, such an overwhelmingly large number of views and opinions; I really can't hold my own, I can't be anything, I'm just weirdly misshaped mixture of everyone else. I'm a globby mess (thats the word! even if it isn't a real word. That's how I feel).
                             Unlike what I make it sound like, this happens pretty often, I get detached pretty often but I always had a little "me-day" planned out which helped me out

• Listen to Dig-a-Little deeper from The Princess and The Frog (don't you dare underestimate the feel-good power of a Disney song!)

• Watch a hopeful chick-flick like Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Karate Kid (the original).
• A good old fashioned make-over (sometimes it helps to be shallow when you're trying to be deep)
• An hour-and-a-half chat with my besties (well a phone call will have to do now)

 What's weird is that I did all of that today, its just that I didn't find anyone today. Am I lost forever?

Living as a shadow-that's what I'm scared of

I've never actually seen my monster, but I have heard it. It’s always been that shadowy figure in my dreams or walking a step or two behind me when I’m alone. It’s that voice that tries to bring me down, telling me that I’m not good enough, that I don’t matter. I’m always going to have to walk fast and keep my head high because, if I don’t, Shadow would swallow me and nothing would ever be the same for me ever again. The scary thing about this is, nobody would know- my body, my mind, my brain- they’ll all still be right here; but I would never be the same person ever again. I wouldn't be me anymore- I’d be that person my Shadow makes me think I am. I would be my shadow.

              It’s not easy to keep running from your monster when he’s at your heels. They say that facing your demons is what life’s all about. Maybe that’s what I’m meant to do- turn around when I hear those voices and tell them to shut up. Tell my Shadow that it’s wrong- because I AM good enough, I totally deserve happiness.

Going down with the ship...thats what a good captain does right?

So apparently a new controversy is lurking behind the shadows, and no I'm not talking about the Syrian War (which would be a nice thing to talk about but no...I literally have no problem with America ending that tiring civil war for the Syrians-because well, they have the best military in the world for a reason...they HAVE to help out)
                   this new thing isn't even an actual thing yet, and to be honest, most people think it won't happen...but I know it is. ITS THE END OF THE WORLD! okay maybe I'm just kidding, but it might be the end of the world as we know it..
                    Okay I'm giving it to you straight. The American economy is going down! (if you're like "no wayy"- i feel you, because that was my reaction when I first heard about it and if you're like "so what? its not like its gonna affect me in any way"- it is! it totally is! *and now I'm going to start freaking out*) Okay this is how it would affect us if the American economy didn't hold up:-

Imagine a world where the language to speak is Chinese or Japanese or Cantonese or Mandarin or any other language whi
ch you've never even heard spoken before. Trust me, you don't even want to try learning one of my aforementioned languages after knowing English (Do you ever get confused about how some stuff just sounds wrong? Like why its hair and sometimes hairs in the plural but sometimes just hair? Or why its fox and foxes but ox and oxen? English is pretty messed up...but why don't we times THAT by a hundred? And viola! we get ALL the other languages in the world!)

Imagine a world where every single new trend doesn't seem familiar (some of may be relieved and i totally understand...after the VMAs I think I have totally had enough of twerking) Can you do it? A world where music is given over to k-pop? (No offense to K-POP or anything but I just can't picture it being mainstream)
what will happen to the good music? Axwell and Avicii? David Guetta and Tiesto? (I would say the Armin guys name but its too much trouble to actually spell that out and I'd rather not waste my time googling him to just to paste his name on here so...Sorry Armin :p)

Imagine a world where you didn't feel like you actually belonged. Mainstream or not, American culture defines the worlds culture...if we go down, the whole worlds going down with us...
so yes THERE IS A REASON TO FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW!!
            I know its coming, its coming at us hard and we have to stop it. I have no clue (well actually maybe a little clue) as to how this stuff works. Its still got to do with spending your money and helping the economy again. Well it can't be thaat hard can it? Just spend away *to save the world*
                      I just realised that I didn't actually say anything right here but then again its super important-we've gotta save America

I burn myself....with my hair straightener (emo memes haha)

I just realised that I don't even know what "emo" is, I don't know whether its the particular fashion statement or it is a particular clique in high school or its a way of life..

                          So I did what I always do, I googled it..
Heres what I've heard about "emos" (Im not even sure I should be calling them emos, maybe I should be calling them emo people-you know like it would be offensive if we referred to gay people as "gays". Okay its official, they are people who have an "emo" outlook on life?-well i tried)

"A person, usually teenage, that has trouble handling his/her own emotions, and/or is emotionally unstable. Can have multiple means of releasing or inducing emotions, such as talking, mutilation(usually of self or inanimate objects), or even listening to music. Can be considered a mental disorder.
Usage: I wrote this definition out for you people because I am an emo and want you to see life the way we do."

Emo is not really a choice you can make, it is a form of life that chooses you.. Bad things happen to people and depending on what and how effects what way you go. Many people become Emo, which do not always cut themselves. generally wear black, write stories, interested in Macabre and dark things, and we are generally interested in Art..

Emo is a style of music originating a few decades ago in the DC area. For people who claim it is a life choice, or even not a choice but something that "chooses you", its not. It is first and foremost a genre of music and secondarily defined as a style of clothing.

My credentials? I was one of these so called goth cutters, and am proud to say that I look back on that and shake my head with a smile. Everyone has problems growing up; quit slapping a label on it to justify it.

Well there are many conflicting opinions, but most of us say (and probably think we know...especially me) that Emo people are a bunch of anti-social, gothic, teenagers who cut themselves and are overly emotional.

              I have a feeling that anyone who looks a bit depressed and is wearing black would be considered emo. Well it isn't a feeling, its just my experience and here it goes..
             "It was your average Monday morning, cloudy and positively gloomy and like every other Monday, I was cranky and coffee was doing nothing to help. They all gave me encouraging smiles as I walked into the classroom which was highly unusual...who smiles before 8 in the morning anyway? I was already super duper suspicious but then I didn't care. I just don't work on monday morning (there should be a word for that...the Monday morning disease-how about INeedSleepius or STFUmorphus)
It was only when I was leaving class did one of those weird gothic girls (with so many piercings on her face that I couldn't actually concentrate on any one) came up to me and just stared, she didnt even say hi or anything, just looked at me. I gave her an little wave and asked her what class she had next but apparently my social awkwardness didn't repel her at all because she just kept staring. Then I did one of the most awkward things in the world, I ran away. (I wish I could say that I'd asked her what the fuck her problem was and then laughed in her face..but no I literally ran away, mumbling something about being late for class) What I actually did after that is go to the bathroom, to check myself out...I think I knew what the problem was.
       I had yesterday nights mascara running off my face which was not too visible from behind my bed hair My new raccoon look didn't make monday morning any better-I had to actually wash my face in a germ-infested public school bathroom. Before long (actually at lunch on the very same day) I heard it, the rumor that i was now emo and was thinkig of suicide. It took all of the next two days (on which I wore my two most mainstream outfits-those disgustingly Forever 21 outfits-) to convince people that I did not cut and that I wasn't planning to kill myself live on Facebook

People these days :p

I'm soaked with sweat, my shirt is damp. I think I'm getting Writers Cramp - Dave Crawley

I think I'm having writers block (even if I'm not a real writer). I always imagined writers block to be something like a haze in your brain which didn't let you think at all- maybe that's what it is,

         but for me writers block is period of time, when I think A LOT and I have TONS of ideas but the moment I come to the now faar to familiar webpage which is my blog and start writing, the words stop flowing, like they'd rather stay in my head then leave.

My conclusion is that my head is such an interesting place, my thoughts would rather stay there and go sightseeing than get forced onto a piece of paper or in this case a hypertext-ed document on the World Wide Web (I found a fancy way to say 'webpage'. Haha I could become a writer after all :)   

            Here I am, not really a writer, (just a person who writes because she likes to) and complaining about writers block. I really can't imagine how it would be for a REAL writer, here's to all my favorite writers-because they're positively inspirational!

1. Frank Delaney:
   This isn't in any particular order-but Frank Delaney was the first writer who came into my mind. He's spectacular, he's vivid and he's a storyteller. His works (I've read only two-and that too in the wrong order but I still loved them) are soo descriptive-he weaves a beautiful story set mostly in the 1950's Ireland, a place which seems to be flowing with words, the time and place are so beautiful-he really brings them back to life. He really knows how to write a story!
2. Eva Ibbotson:
   She's always going to be my favorite author! Eva Ibbotson writes stories set in wartime Europe and she captures the peace and indifference of all those places protected from all the fighting. Whats most attractive about her writing is how she seems to still live in that time-she draws you to that time herself- the writing is perfect, there's not a trace of the 21st century...its just pure wartime Europe. Like every other good writer, you find yourself inside her books and unwilling to leave-but here's what makes her special, it feels like she's letting you steer the book. Let me explain: her writing, it isn't strong and commanding, it doesn't feel like she's writing the story and determining the fate of her characters-it feels like she's merely suggesting the next turn of events. You can almost see the bend in the path and in a way she kinda makes you feel like it was your idea all along. Its beautiful and satisfying...a lazy-summer-afternoon-read.
3. J.K Rowling
   
   All hail the queen! I'm a crazy Harry Potter fan, even though I only discovered the awesomeness of the book series much after I watched the movies. I thought that the Harry Potter series was too mainstream-everyone seemed to like it- and that's why I didn't read it, but one day I did (I don't know why, I just did) and I was hooked(haha). Its a whole other world, with so much familiarity yet so many differences, I learned to love that world. (I also learned to long for a letter from Hogwarts)No wonder everyone loved it! Thats when I decided to give mainstreamed things a chance :)  
4. Annie Dalton
   Not very famous (or maybe she is, its just that I don't know too much about her) for it but
   
   Annie Dalton wrote the Angels Unlimited series. She writes in the sarcastic, quirky and smart voice of a teenage girl...and I admire her writing so much. I think it was she who inspired me to start a blog (though not directly), I try to sound like her a lot (failing utterly), I love the British slang and the street smart dialogues-shes definitely my dream writer. I want to be able to develop my own style just like her.

(Is it just me or do Eva Ibbotson and Frank Delaney look alike?)

 While I was writing this I found something in common in all these writers (apart from their eerie face identical-ness, i think its just the pictures), they all have their stories set in exotic places-and they describe these places so well that it feels like I'm actually on vacation.

Eva Ibbotson- The amazon rainforest; the wartime Austro-Hungarian empire; Wartime Germany; Wartime Central Europe

Annie Dalton- Heaven! (its a city in her book :), ancient Japan, Crusades period in the middle East etc. (the book features time-travel haha)

Frank Delaney- beautiful Ireland

J.K Rowling- Hogwarts

Look out bee-lowww!!!

           Okay it was a total coincidence, but I just happened to look into my brothers tablet (I wasn't snooping, I was just looking to umm -ok no other way to put it, I WAS snooping, I don't even have an excuse :p)But the results were sad, and totally un-dramatic. I found a calendar.
                              and THAT'S the story of how I found out that today is indeed the second of August. THE SECOND OF AUGUST!? Can anyone believe it?! Summers gone. (i have been blissfully unaware of all of this, because for the past few days, I've just been living i.e watching-my-favorite-shows-on-Netflix-while-eating-and-drinking-nothing-but-soda-and-chips)
                     So I came out of and it felt like everywhere I looked something was designed to make me go over the edge (i love that expression :p). Back to school sale fliers all over the coffee table, my brother yelling "I want the blue one!! (referring to the blue bag he's been eyeing ever since summer break started), the autumn-ish wind pushing my hair back as I brave the great outdoors after a week, the frantic rush for the pool (there's about a week of summer left and everyone wants to have a tan to show...should've committed during the summer *tut tut*), cameras everwhere as people take their last Summer 2013 pictures, even my innocent school bag (which i can assure you hasn't been touched since my last day of school...
                                   But the worst thing was this nauseating image I found in my inbox today: (I'd like to spread the "good" cheer -sorry)

Is something like this REALLY necessary?

              This picture totall represents ALL thats bad about school, writing and thinking and working and doing homework and writing and trying to stay awake and kissing up and worrying about grades and writing...ugh! I hate writing (with a pencil)
                      Time for some tough love-I see that I have 2 options :-
a) Whine and be a baby until a day before school, (on which day i tell myself to suck it up) and be totally unprepared for school
b) Whine and be a baby for a while but clean up and get ready for school (the better the year, the quicker the time, the faster the arrival of summer 2014)
             Okay no more whining for me...I think I'm a fashion blog today :)
I'm not one to actually read a fashion magazine (I've always been that girl who looked at the starved models and laughed at all their trouble because nobody liked what they were wearing anyway)
                but this time I actually DID look at Teen Vogue and Seventeen and heres what I got:
(actually I googled them...but its the same thing right?)

I don't know if its easy but I know its quick

Braids

This year it looks like Braids are IN (every single model seems to have an elaborate braid or fishtail on her, its actually pretty..well pretty :)
Braids are actually pretty simple, though they look so complex..A hard looking hairdo in no time!

thats easy my hair looks like that all the time

 Messy and Wavy? Wavy is messy

(That was my failed attempt at trying to sound like a fashion magazine)

 
Waves are in too (which is a relief, now when I'm having a Bad Hair Day...I can simply blame it on fashion :)

I think this is going to be my THING this year (you know the kind of the hair or clothes you end up wearing most of the time..)

and whats definitely in? wavy-messy-braids!

Enough with the hair right? Thats what i was saying after like 50 different hairstyles (ALL of them were the EXACT same thing!! Little tweaks don't change the hairstyle completely -_-)

Moving on to the clothes...Im pleased to inform you (after at least a million different pictures)

 Patterned Leggings

I have to admit these are nice....easy to pair with anything and comfortable as hell :)
They're effortless but still stylish...yay!!
(thank you fashion gods)

Actually these have been in since the beginning of summer, but this is one trend im not ready to see go away

Bohemian Styles

So it looks like we're going Bohemian this year :)

(I totally didn't know what that meant, but from all the pictures im guessing, its loose and umm kinda native?)

This is actually a really good idea, so now people can look thin without actually being thin...which is good, no more starving, ranting crazy girls on Facebook (here's hoping :)



Bows

Be warned, no one looks like that when they've got a ridiculous bow on their head

Bows are ridiculous and ugly, but it looks like they're trending.. Who in their right mind would wear a big fat bow? I know Im not gonna...who am I? Minnie Mouse? (Okay that may have been hard but bows are well..bows)

Maybe they aren't the best accessories, but I think they look really cute as rings or necklaces...much better than having a giant drooping ribbon on your head.





High Waisted Everything!

This summer, it was high waisted shorts...
(and those were ah-dor-able!) looks like this fall we'll be seeing a lot of high waisted jeans and skirts and whatnot!

 After Bell-bottoms, i thought this was a vintage or 80s or whatever trend which I never thought would come back! (which isn't saying much because I don't really do fashion...but at least its true :)

Of course a little extra neon never hurts :)

Circle skirts?

Well I had no idea what they were, but I'm actually going to try these out...they look great and plus they're high-waisted :p These skirts are actually perfect being semi-formal...they can make a perfect first-day-of-school look :)

These skirts don't really go with the Bohemian theme, but I think I can work them into my new super-Bohemian-wardrobe..
(I think I've fallen in love with that word-Bohemian, Bohemian, Boh-hee-mi-ahn)

 Now with my new-found fashion knowledge (it wasn't so bad after a couple hundred pictures or so :p) I can say, Im almost ready to go back to school...maybe just to see what everyone else turned up in, the only thing I'm never gonna change about is the fact that I don't do heels...its always gonna be sneakers for me (it doesn't hurt that they're always in the vogue :)

I'm not going to end with a load of crap about how you should dress how you want not how fashion demands of you to dress. No I cannot say that in my right mind...not after all of this I just discovered about the world of fashion. 
                       No, you don't have to wear exactly what they want you to wear, but it doesn't hurt to take a look and maybe get something that you like and doesn't take too much effort (because unlike working out, you do gain without pain in clothing) 
                                            First day of School here I come!