Monday, February 23, 2015

My Familiar Strangers

          Somewhere out there, a group of strangers are walking about, performing the motions of their everyday life: doing laundry, walking to dinner, dancing in a club, reading at home, or dozing on a bus. These strangers that you are so unaware of are going to become such integral parts of your life that you will wonder how you even existed before them. These are your strangers.

          All of us have our own set of strangers on this planet; strangers who will cease to be strangers when we meet them and they change our lives in insignificant or tremendous ways; strangers-turned-friends-and-lovers who will revert back into strangers when they slip out of our lives, forgetting and forgotten.

             But the people we love during our time - the people whose lives get inexplicably intertwined with ours - were once strangers on the street with closed off faces, and heads bent over unread text messages. And some of those we love might end up being strangers again.

          What is it? That force that pushes us together and twists our lives into one? Don’t tell me it is chance, because how can chance be the reason for so many people meeting their soul mates in this populated world.

There is something out there that is bringing us to our strangers, and pulling us away from them. If you’re ever feeling down, remember that your strangers are speeding over as fast as they can.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

This time next year..

    It's a bad sign that I don't know how to start this post, because I thought the news I had to share was exciting enough to come bursting out of me.
        I probably don't make any sense, but when do I ever? Okay, here goes...

I got into New York University - my top choice school. The school of my dreams really. 

The problem is that I'm not excited at all (if I was a normal excited person, the first line of this post would have been "I GOT INTO NYU!!!"). 
       Maybe it's because the truth of the matter hasn't sunk in yet, or maybe it's because the truth has sunk in so much that I'm so over it. 
           But I will spare you of whatever introspection I will get up to because of this news - mainly because even the thought of college (which has been my long and short term goal for 2 years) makes me feel strangley blocked.

Future Home: Washington Square, New York City

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Testing Fate

             "You can't have everything"
It's a fact of life, and a piece of advice that is repeated over and over again to people who have lost things - loved ones, prized possessions, and competitions.

       It's also a piece of advice that I've never heard. No, I'm not bragging here, because the fact truly scares me. I've been told repeatedly that I could have the world if I only just tried; I've been told that all I had to do is ask, and the entire universe would conspire in my favor.
      (You're probably wondering if the people in my life are self-help book writers, and, believe me, I've wondered that so many times myself).

    But even if an opposing fact has been drilled into me, it is the idea that one can't have everything that I believe in. I know that somebody's gotta lose, and I know that, eventually, that somebody is going to be me.

            And that is a scary thing to know. It's like walking through a creepy forest at night with full knowledge of your impending misfortunes, knowing that there are things out there that might hurt you, but not knowing what, or when, or how.
This gif is so on par haha
A long long time ago, I wrote a blog post about choices, and someone in the comments asked me to share with him (and everyone else who might read my blog) a heart break of mine - a time when I have really suffered. It's been 11 months now, and I have not gotten back to him.
       It's not that I don't want to post something so detail-oriented about my life (though that would be a major issue), it's that I've had no heart break. Not really.

I'm only just 17, and the most horrible things I've seen and heard are from the news, or the internet, or people around me. My heart has never been broken - maybe cracked once or twice from a past relationship, or lost friends, or lonliness, but never broken.

Isn't that luck? That I have a whole heart?
I don't feel luck. I've been scared of catastrophe for weeks now - a belief that my world is going to crumble.

I hope this is just a big bad premonition, because I do not want to live my life afraid of an inevitable catastrophe down the road; that way of life might just be the catastrophe.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Quote of the Day ~ Albert Camus

            A cigarette hanging from his lips, and an existentialist thought swirling in his mind. Albert Camus is one of those people I'll always talk about, but never get down to reading - I already know that.
     I will, however, analyse his quotes like I have read his work. It's just what I do.


      Sometimes I look at this quote and wonder if he is talking to me - me who curls up with hefty books with protagonists filled with life and grand theories; me who counts thinking about life as one of her hobbies; me who talks and laughs and rants, but never does.

     But there's something to be said for watching life from the sidelines. There really is. Some of us are never meant to be center-stage, we're happy enough watching all the madness, taking it all in and smiling at the beautiful mess of it all.
     When I first joined Tumblr I was on a mission to be widely heard and read, and I set about it very methodically. Very interesting posts (unfortunately, I am the only one who agrees with this proclaimation), periodic posting, relevant (to the point of frustration) hastags, and a bunch of other self-taught marketing strategies (which obviously didn't work).
      It was very exhausting really- this pointless string of meticulously lifeless advertising. And I found myself wondering why anyone would actually enjoy the Tumblr community when it's so hard to live in.

     I was too busy creating to enjoy what had already been created.
One day, I just went on Tumblr, and followed a bunch of people. It was one of those unexplainable whims that I'm grateful for (I've learnt to be grateful for all of these unthinking actions - even the stupider ones with the terrifying consequences). And I just scrolled through my brand-new newsfeed for hours. I read, laughed, and smiled at the creativity, the humor, and the passion of it all.

      Nowadays, my mission on Tumblr isn't to attain fame, but to just make interesting content to match that of the amazing people who appear on my feed everyday.

    I'm not discounting the importance of playing the game, but I am saying that the spectator stands are pretty awesome. Sometimes you're just too tired to dance all night, sing-scream your favorite songs, tick off items in your bucket list, and all those other cliche things that the phrase "Live Life to the Fullest" may bring to your head. Those times are the best for just thinking and watching, admiring and discussing.

         To live is not just to do, but to think and watch and smile too.