I'm looking for me

My poor little blog! Its exactly like one of those houses in the middle of nowhere, so empty, so abandoned.(well at least those houses are occasionally haunted with the most interesting ghosts)

I wish this would stop moving!!

                      My page view trend looks a lot like my grade trend now (in other words, up..up...up..down.....down...umm help?....okay stop....nonono.....STAHP!.....uh-oh rock bottom..."do these go in negative?") This also represents my zen level.

                                                 
                       They all go together, my blog, my grades and my zen, (is that even a thing?) that's what I noticed. I don't really think of myself as a real person anymore, I'm more like that poor waiter trying to balance 3 full plates of sushi and an umbrella while he's on roller-skates in the rain, in the middle of a crowded street AND he has to smile the whole time! 

                          I need to keep my zen levels up and I really don't know how.

Google is no use as usual....here are my search results :-

• Drink green tea (do they even know how horrible that tastes)
• Do yoga (that involves waking up early...not good for my stress levels)
• Smile (Really? i wouldn't have guessed)

Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure all these things work...in some cases; but that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for myself, I'm looking to get to know the inner me again because it feels like I've lost her in all the chaos of the outside world.

                       Essentially, I'm looking for the deep part of me (example here)- the part of me that actually thinks for myself, acts for herself and lives for herself. Because, really, I don't think that I-the glassy, person typing away right now-live for myself or think for myself. I live that cliche life, wanting things that everyone seems to want and doing things that everyone seems to be doing.

I want to think what I want to think, I want to know what I want to know, I want to feel what I want to feel.

           I want to be the me I want to me.

That is, in reality, the problem with school. There is such an overwhelmingly large number of people, such an overwhelmingly large number of views and opinions; I really can't hold my own, I can't be anything, I'm just weirdly misshaped mixture of everyone else. I'm a globby mess (thats the word! even if it isn't a real word. That's how I feel).
                             Unlike what I make it sound like, this happens pretty often, I get detached pretty often but I always had a little "me-day" planned out which helped me out

• Listen to Dig-a-Little deeper from The Princess and The Frog (don't you dare underestimate the feel-good power of a Disney song!)

• Watch a hopeful chick-flick like Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Karate Kid (the original).
• A good old fashioned make-over (sometimes it helps to be shallow when you're trying to be deep)
• An hour-and-a-half chat with my besties (well a phone call will have to do now)

 What's weird is that I did all of that today, its just that I didn't find anyone today. Am I lost forever?

Going down with the ship...thats what a good captain does right?

So apparently a new controversy is lurking behind the shadows, and no I'm not talking about the Syrian War (which would be a nice thing to talk about but no...I literally have no problem with America ending that tiring civil war for the Syrians-because well, they have the best military in the world for a reason...they HAVE to help out)
                   this new thing isn't even an actual thing yet, and to be honest, most people think it won't happen...but I know it is. ITS THE END OF THE WORLD! okay maybe I'm just kidding, but it might be the end of the world as we know it..
                    Okay I'm giving it to you straight. The American economy is going down! (if you're like "no wayy"- i feel you, because that was my reaction when I first heard about it and if you're like "so what? its not like its gonna affect me in any way"- it is! it totally is! *and now I'm going to start freaking out*) Okay this is how it would affect us if the American economy didn't hold up:-

Imagine a world where the language to speak is Chinese or Japanese or Cantonese or Mandarin or any other language whi
ch you've never even heard spoken before. Trust me, you don't even want to try learning one of my aforementioned languages after knowing English (Do you ever get confused about how some stuff just sounds wrong? Like why its hair and sometimes hairs in the plural but sometimes just hair? Or why its fox and foxes but ox and oxen? English is pretty messed up...but why don't we times THAT by a hundred? And viola! we get ALL the other languages in the world!)

Imagine a world where every single new trend doesn't seem familiar (some of may be relieved and i totally understand...after the VMAs I think I have totally had enough of twerking) Can you do it? A world where music is given over to k-pop? (No offense to K-POP or anything but I just can't picture it being mainstream)
what will happen to the good music? Axwell and Avicii? David Guetta and Tiesto? (I would say the Armin guys name but its too much trouble to actually spell that out and I'd rather not waste my time googling him to just to paste his name on here so...Sorry Armin :p)

Imagine a world where you didn't feel like you actually belonged. Mainstream or not, American culture defines the worlds culture...if we go down, the whole worlds going down with us...
so yes THERE IS A REASON TO FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW!!
            I know its coming, its coming at us hard and we have to stop it. I have no clue (well actually maybe a little clue) as to how this stuff works. Its still got to do with spending your money and helping the economy again. Well it can't be thaat hard can it? Just spend away *to save the world*
                      I just realised that I didn't actually say anything right here but then again its super important-we've gotta save America