Saturday, December 21, 2013

There are two kinds of love

She's singing Mariah Carey again. My mom.
When she reaches her pitchy (Though she thinks she's perfect- "I used to be in my church's choir at your age") "Baby, All I want for christmaaaas is yoooooo", I wonder at her love. At how she's still so in love, there's no other word for it. There are no synonyms for love. No other word (Just to be thorough:
none of these even come close...

My parents are definitely the most successful love story I've ever seen. It's been 17 years and they're still so happy together. I've seen it in their eyes. They're that cliche happy couple with their perfect little family (except for their unfittingly different daughter of course but that's another story).

Every time I see their hands naturally find each other, or I turn to find them smiling into each others eyes, I feel my heart burst with their love. I'm not even trying to exaggerate, it's just the way it is- they spread their love everywhere.

I'm more than just envious, I'm jealous (Those words mean the same thing but I still think jealousy is worse than envy haha). I want a love like theirs in my life too. I'd always wondered how they managed to find each other.

You'd imagine a couple like that would have a really adorable story about how they met, or about how my dad proposed, or about how they used to hate each other at first, but my parents actually had a not so beautiful beginning.

They had an arranged marriage. The first time they actually talked to each other was at their engagement party! This is the part that drives me nuts...they didn't even find each other! They didn't even know each other until after they were married! They didn't even have a choice...

Here, in America, this concept is pretty unheard of. It sounds ominous actually. But it's not that uncommon back home. The whole arranged marriage thing seemed to be doing everyone a favor.
they grew old together. But...
they didn't find each other
"It's magic." my grandma says, "you'll find the one you love and you don't even have to look." Is this even real?

This totally shattered me,
But it still got me thinking... does real love exist?
You know, that thing all my sappy movies describe, that feeling of knowing when you look into someone's eyes, that feeling that you belong here, right here in those eyes.
Or was that just romantic crap some writer spun out in his huge mansion in LA?

My parents love each other. There's no doubt about it. But they didn't look in each other's eyes and find a missing part of themselves or whatever. Their love developed over the years, and it's only going to get stronger. But..

But then is it possible that "The One" person who's meant for you doesn't exist? Is it possible that you just take what you've got and you can learn to love them as much as the couple in every rom-com?

I've come to think that maybe there are too kinds of love...the kind that develops over time, a love that didn't start out as love at all. But a love that's strong and reliable and comfortable.
And the kind that's present from the very first moment. It's that love when you find that person who's made for you, that person who's is really, and truly your other half. It's that love of belonging and familiarity.

Maybe there's still hope, maybe there ARE two kinds of love.
Maybe the rom-com writers weren't spinning crap at all.....maybe they were just talking about the one kind of love... (In that case someone needs to make a rom-com about the other kind too...the lack of movies led me to moments of serious confusion haha)

I really do think there's someone out there who's actually The SoulMate. Someone who's really just a long lost part of me.

On the other hand, even if we don't find our "soul mate", we can still love with all our heart...and find that there are people who love us back.